


Andante

by bl_mary_080



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Castiel is a Mess, Fake Sam/Jess - Freeform, How Do I Tag, Human AU, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Sorry, Jessica Moore & Sam Winchester Friendship, M/M, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Burn, Young Sam Winchester, bi sam winchester, past Destiel, pls give a try, sam is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-08-09 02:32:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16441334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bl_mary_080/pseuds/bl_mary_080
Summary: Sam is crushing on Cas, his brother's best friend. It's not going to end well (or maybe?)Sastiel Human Au





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hii everyone!  
> It's my first fic ever so please give the girl some feedback. Also I'm in desperate need of an english native beta reader so if anyone would like to be my hero please let me know. I'm busy with school so I don't know how often the next chapters will be published.
> 
> This one is a bit shorter and rushed then nexts ones will be, because I wanted to have all backstory in one place and move on to plot. 
> 
> Enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii everyone!  
> It's my first fic ever so please give the girl some feedback. Also I'm in desperate need of an english native beta reader so if anyone would like to be my hero please let me know. I'm busy with school so I don't know how often the next chapters will be published.
> 
> This one is a bit shorter and rushed then nexts ones will be, because I wanted to have all backstory in one place and move on to plot.
> 
> Enjoy
> 
> /Edit 13 February/  
> Attention, attention. As soon as I'll finish this fic first chapter is going to be re-writed.

  

 

CHAPTER 1

Dean and Castiel met in middle school. They were fourteen and got detention together for being in the middle of a food fight. Or rather, Dean ended up in the middle of a food fight, Castiel was just unlucky to be sitting near him at the table. Despite the fact, that it was Lucifer Milton who threw the first ‘punch,’ it was them who ended up alone together cleaning locker room and tiding PE storage.

Since that day they were inseparable.

As it turned out, there was no more unlikely friendship in the whole school. Dean was an athlete, member of a wrestling team, passing with Cs, -Bs and rarely gaining an A. Even at that age he knew he was going to be a car mechanic, like his adopted father, Bobby Singer. Cas, on the other hand, was a calm academic type. He was a straight A student, a teacher’s pupil, although not by choice. He was very uncomfortable with it. Dean was flirty (only with girls, _for now,_ ) smooth talker, quite popular for a new kid, confident and comfortable in his skin. Castiel was an awkward, socially handicapped mess. A nerd with a strange love for bugs, especially bees.

After the so-called, The Tomato Incident, some of the teachers were a bit worried that Dean, not knowing him well enough yet, will take out his anger about punishment on poor, innocent Castiel Shurley. It was completely unnecessary. Dean took one look at the wide-eyed teenager and immediately took him under his wing. In the end, everybody was content. Dean and Castiel gained a best friend, and adults were happy that Cas toned down Winchester's mischief while Dean woke up Castiel's hidden sense of humor. _Very_ dry sense of humor.

That day Cas came home with a smile on his face, which was strange on its own. Shurley’s house was a grand mansion with many rooms for their countless children. Okay, just five, following: Anna, Inaias, Balthazar, Castiel, and Alfie. Alfie, the poor kid, was only six years old. Most people thought that he was an unplanned accident. If they were right, well, really nobody knew. Mr. and Mrs. Shurley didn’t seem like the type.

The parents, Uriel and Naomi, didn’t seem to care about their children’s lives after they escaped primary school. So Alfie was always under some kind of supervision. Just next door lived their cousins, the Miltons, four abandoned offsprings of one Chuck Milton. Despite the number of people who passed through the halls of both houses they were never a close family. And none of them, besides ever-forever trickster Gabriel, was known for their smile.

So when Gabriel, who was hiding from his oldest brother Michael, saw his lovely although way to serious baby cousin with a smile on his face, well, needless to say, he was surprised.

“What’s up with that banana Cassie?” he quipped, curious. On younger boy’s cheeks appeared a slight blush. How adorable.

“I think I’ve made a friend” he whispered shyly. A toothy grin spread across Gabe’s face.

“Wow. That’s fantastic, kiddo. What’s their name?”

“Dean Winchester.” Gabe asked some more questions, and Cas was happy to chat with him. For some reason, Gabriel was his favorite relative, even though he was annoyingly loud most of the time. Not really Castiel’s type of preferred company. But despite their age difference, five whole years, he genuinely cared about Castiel. He seemed to be his only friend for a long time.

 

After two weeks of blooming friendship, Dean deemed Castiel worthy of bringing him home and meeting his precious baby brother Sam. And that’s when Sam’s torment started. He developed a hopeless crush throughout years since he met an older boy.

One day, Dean just brought home the most incredible person ever, with stunning blue eyes, black mussed hair and the prettiest face Sam had ever seen. Even prettier than Jo Harvelle’s!  
Castiel was so cool, even though he was a nerd like Sam. He was also always polite and kind to Sam. In the mind of ten years old boy, Castiel Shurley was simply the best person ever to exist, besides Dean.

The only not-so-nice thing was the fact that Cas was _Dean’s_ best friend and barely noticed Sam. Sure, he was friendly enough for the star-struck boy, but he hardly ever sought Sam’s company or input in his and Dean’s activities. Dean was perfectly aware of his little brother’s adoration and was quite amused by it, so he included Sam from time to time. After all, he didn’t want to neglect Sammy in favor of the new friend. Maybe some other big brother would do it, but not Dean Winchester.

Castiel, while not unpleased, was quite surprised about that predicament.

One day in May, when he and Dean were alone in a deserted part of a park, Castiel asked him about it. Dean was silent for a moment, long enough for Cas to feel like a nosy jealous girlfriend.

“I apologize, that was rude of me…” 

Dean waved his hand and chuckled gently. “Nah, it’s all right. It’s just…”  wrinkles appeared between his eyebrows and he sighed  “You know that Sammy and I were recently adopted, right? It’s been not a full years since we moved here.” Dean shifted uncomfortably “Before, we were living with our dad. Mom died in a fire when Sammy was six months old. It happened in his nursery. I don’t remember much of that night, only that dad pushed Sammy into my arms and yelled at me to run. He went back in for mom, but she didn’t make it.”

“My condolences, Dean” Castiel watched his friend, patiently waiting if Dean would continue.

“Thanks. Anyway, on some level dad had been blaming Sam for it. I never understood why. For years we had been drifting across the country, staying in shitty motel rooms and dad… Dad was almost always out for some job. Mom’s death changed him. Before, he was… I don’t know… warmer, less distant. Each time he was leaving he used to say ‘Take care of Sammy.’ It became my job.”

Dean paused to inhale and get himself together. He never liked to talk about it with people other than Bobby. He went to a child psychologist only once with it. It didn’t end well.

“As I was getting older I realized that he was treating us differently. If I had done something correctly, I got a pat on the shoulder and a ‘good job’, while Sammy didn’t. He ignored his big brain, I mean he started talking two months earlier than average, and at three and a half he was reading almost as good as I was! In one school in Oregon Sammy’s first-grade teacher advised him to think about advanced placement and individual education programme for gifted children. She even gave him a book with games helping to develop a child’s mind. You know what he said?!”

Dean’s palms curled into fists “That she is a ‘young, stupid girl’!” And he fucking laughed at home. Food was always like he and I liked it, never how Sammy did. Sometimes dad just dropped us off at Bobby's. And music in the car? Only metal and rock. I never even though that he might not like it until he told Bobby that it hurts his ears one time.”

Castiel was shocked. While his parents weren’t the most attentive, there was no obvious favoritism in their house, mostly because there was so many of them. But Sam was an adorable kid, all puppy eyes, soft cheeks, and shy smiles. How could anyone treat him this poorly?

“Year ago though he crossed a line.” Dean shuddered at the memory “Sammy was asking about mom. What was she like, and other simple things. Dad told him not to ask, but Sammy was stubborn. I begged him not to ask, but he did it again and dad…”

Dean had to stop for a moment to get a grip. He always fell apart when he remembered it.  
Castiel thought that he knew what happened next. It was still terrible to hear it.

“And dad slapped him in a face so hard that he fell.”

Dean let out a shaky exhale and hid his face behind in his palms. Cas just placed his hand at Dean’s back and gave quiet support.

“It is my job to keep him safe and happy, Cas. I failed once. He didn’t deserve it.”

“I know. It’s only reasonable that Sammy wanted to know something about your mom.”

Dean sat up straighter and turned his head to Castiel.

“It’s not only that. Please understand, it was always just him and me against the world. I don’t want him to feel neglected because I have an actual friend now. Anyway, as soon as Sammy fell, he started apologizing and promising never to do it again, but… If he had done it once, I knew that sooner or later he would do it again.”

Cas frowned. That sounded like a harsh judgment.

“Why do you think so?”

“Because that’s what happened with drinking around Sammy and with bringing women to our apartment or the house if we had one, and with yelling at Sam whenever he was being childish, and with moving more than once a month. Each time it happened, he said it was the last time, but it always happened again.”

Dean leaned back on the bench, closed his eyes and let himself soak up the sun.

“So I threw him out, calmed the shit out of Sammy, gave him some ice on his face and put him to sleep. Then I called Bobby. The rest is history, I guess. Dad came back staggering drunk when Bobby was helping Sam to pack. It was a mess.  Dad ended up being arrested, and Bobby took us here. The court took parental rights away, but he can visit us once a month.  He visited in the first two months since then we got only phone calls.”

Dean opened his eyes and scowled at Castiel. Cas had The Look on his face.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want nor need any pity. We are happy here with Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, and Jo. Sam misses Dad a bit, but he’ll be fine. I just wanted to explain that Sammy and I are a deal package. He needs me…  and I need him too.”

0o0

As the years passed, Sammy became Sam. One day he shot Cas a truly cute, uh… terrifying look when he called the younger boy Sammy. All furrowed eyebrows narrowed doe eyes and pouty lips.

“Dean is a lost case” Sam explained with a fabulous bitchface when Cas asked why he never corrects his older brother about his name.

 While Sam hasn’t grown quite as much as his peers,  he changed from being a cute tiny baby to a cute tiny teenager. Most, although not all of the baby fat disappeared from his face and body. He even gained some musculature from playing soccer on the school team. He let his hair grow out, so it was the chin- length, thank God, not in a bowl cut anymore. His puppy eyes never lost their power over everyone, with Ellen Harvelle being the only exception.

Sam also bloomed when it came down to education. After settling down in Sioux Falls, Sam quickly caught up with the material, and his intelligence flourished under the attention of his teachers. His straight A’s proved that enough. Despite having some problems with bullies (that were solved pretty fast with Dean’s involvement), Sam immediately made friends in his classes. Everybody wants to be friends with resident genius, after all.

Sam’s crush on Castiel lost a lot of its intensity, but never entirely went away. It fell into the ’backseat’ of his mind. Beside Cas, in his teenage head girls started to appear. By the time Sam was fifteen, his infatuation with his brother's friend was a static, impossible thought. Front of his mind was taken by beautiful, classy, confident and intelligent Sarah Blake. And cute, smart, a bit weird and pretty in his own way Andy Gallager. Both incidentally were his friends. Ergo off-limits. The sad life of a hormonal teenager.

Especially one as affection starved as Sam.  Despite all of the attention from Dean and Bobby he still yearned for something… gentler, softer. As embarrassing as it was for a teenager. His brother and adopted father weren’t ones to give hugs and pet his hair. And despite Ellen’s mothering, she was also a tough kind of woman. He missed times when Dean used to take him into his lap and cuddle when one of them was upset.

It was also time when freshly graduated Dean made a startling realization that bisexuality might be a thing. His thing. And probably his brother’s too. Sam kept chasing and flirting (or he tried to, at least)  with girls at school, but blushed and acted all shy and cute around his male friends from the soccer team. Also, with Cas but that was quite normal.

The sky is blue, and Sam admires Castiel. At least his childhood crush had faded.

As for himself, well, one day he snuck a peek at his shirtless best friend and _oh hello_ , my bestie is hot. The thing was that even though he considered Cas as attractive, he didn’t like him romantically. From everyone he knew, Dean kept hearing jokes about staring sessions and eye-fucking. Everybody seemed to think that they would be a perfect couple.  And that bothered the hell out of him. _Fucking soulmates._

0o0

They were at Balthazar’s, Castiel’s older brother twenty-first birthday. It was the middle of spring break, and Cas came back to the suburbs from dorms of college in the centrum of the city.  Although Cas didn't really live there, his parents just wanted to have him out of their hair and paid a lot for it. Cas moved in with Gabriel just after graduating from high school.

Needless to say, they started drinking hard. Around the midnight Cas staggered through the crowd looking for Dean, whom he lost five drinks earlier. Dean wandered off following some equally drunk girl.

Castiel caught a smudge of blonde in the corner of his eye. There. He headed in Dean’s direction. He nudged his friend's shoulder and then suddenly in the middle of the loud party, they were kissing. Cas wasn’t sure who started it, but the next thing he knew, they were full on making out. Their tounges tangled, panting into each other's mouths with Dean’s fingers squeezing other boy’s ass and Castiel’s palms buried in blonde hair of his friend.

 A moment later they were stumbling into the nearest bedroom, not separating their bodies even for a second. They landed on a bed, Dean necking whimpering Cas, drunk out of their minds and tugging frantically at each other's clothes. They didn’t even manage to get out of their shirts before they passed out, one on top of the other, still fully clothed.

 

Next morning Dean slowly woke up, much too aware of splitting headache blooming in his head. He groaned. Hangovers were a bitch. His mouth tasted like a dead dog. Not that he knew how a dead dog tasted like. Just a manner of speaking. Ugh. Hangovers were the bitchest bitch ever to bitch.

With startling realization, he became aware of a warm body next to his.

_‘Did I score last light…?’_ He couldn’t remember anything after the sixth round of vodka. With a grunt, he turned onto his left side to look at his bedmate. From under covers, he could see a familiar black hair.

“Cas?!” Cas grumbled a bit and released a loud snuffle. “Cas! Come on, wake up you son of a bitch!” Dean in a full-blown panic looked under the sheets to check if they had any clothes on. He sighed in relief. Nothing had happened. He hadn’t slept with his friend he low-key lusted after.  _‘Thank God.’_

“Cas!” Dean grabbed his friend’s shoulder and shook him not-so-gently. “Get up!”  
“Bleugh… Dean?”  Cas grunted out,  “Five more minutes…”  Dean scowled. A true example of a hangover not-morning person. Tragic combo. The black-haired boy finally opened his eyes, squinting sleepily at Dean. “Dean? What happened? “

“I think we made out and fell asleep” Blonde blurted out. There was nothing like brutal honesty. Nobody ever said that Dean could do ‘subtle.’

“What?!” Castiel quickly sat up revealing a couple of dark spots on the side of his neck. Dean winced trying not to look at them. Castiel looked around frantically. They were in a guest bedroom in his own house. Slowly, memories of the previous night came back to him.

_Blood rushing through his body, music pulsing around him, crowd swaying, kissing, Dean’s lips on his neck and fingers grabbing his butt, Castiel’s hands in other boy’s hair, going into the bedroom…_

Cas raised his hand to his neck and winced. Definitely a hickey. He blushed. “So…what now?”   Dean sighed and pressed his fingers into his forehead.

“I don’t know, man. What people usually do in this kind of situation?”

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Someone was aggressively knocking at the door. “Are you lovebirds decent?!”  Balthazar yelled through the door and promptly barged in without waiting for an answer. “Did you fuck? We all were taking bets.”

“What?! No! Come on!”  Dean threw his arm up in an exasperated manner

“ Good God.  Are you still in denial Dean? Even after the show, you two gave us last night?” He snorted. “That’s just pathetic.” Balthazar leaned back on the doorstep. “Cassie, set your new boyfriend straight,“ he paused “ or maybe not so straight, if you know what I mean.” Balthazar wiggled his eyebrows with a perverted smirk. Cas’s face went blank.

“I am sure that everyone knows what you mean, _Balthie_. Now, go **_away_** _._ ”

“Oooh, the new couple wants some privacy? Be my guest then. Just try to keep it quiet, you crazy kids.”  
The older man chuckled before winking at them and leaving the room. With his exit, Dean and Cas fell into an awkward silence. They stared at each other, both silently panicking. Dean who was blushing through their conversation with Balthazar, by the time he left, has turned to the real-life fire-truck red. With his blonde hair and freckles, it looked very charming.

“Uh. So. What now?” Castiel finally asked with a weak voice “Are we a new couple?”

“Do you want to be?” Dean bit his lip. That was a situation he was afraid of. What if Cas was in love with him? Dean loved his friend with his whole heart, but he wasn’t _in love_ with him.

“Do _you_ want to?” Cas replied with a question. They stared at each other awkwardly.

“JUST KISS ALREADY!” chorus of voices shouted from behind the door. Cas blushed furiously and slammed his lips against Dean’s. It was not a sweet kiss. Their teeth clashed, and noses smashed into each other.

_‘Maybe I’ll just grow to fall in love’_

Not that they knew that they were thinking the same.

 

Barely a week into their new relationship Sam walked in on them performing the pre-mating ritual. In other words, making out. So he did what any other sane and good younger brother would have done. He screamed and fake-retched.

“YUCK! DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS IN PUBLIC SPACE?! BLEUGH! YOU GUYS ARE GROSS!”

Dean and Cas jumped away from each other and blushed in harmony. Sam let out a gurgling noise imitating vomiting.

“A living room is hardly a public space, Sam” Cas squeaked. The teenager threw him a disgusted glare.

“Yes, it is. Everybody passes through it and can be exposed to a scaring image. Ew, I’m gonna need brain bleach.” With that being said Dean realized that he never actually talked with his little brother about that particular side of life. He cringed. It was going to be so awkward.

“Look, Sammy… when two people like each other very mu-“

“Good God, are you… are you trying to give me a sex talk?! I’m fifteen!”

“Well, yeah, but…” Sam threw his arms up in the air.

“Stop, just, just stop.”

“No, Sammy, we need to have this talk eventua-“

“No, we don’t! What the fuck, Dean! “

“You’re a growing boy, so you need to be aware of-“

“Bobby gave me the Talk years ago Dean!”

“… What? Seriously?”

“Yes. Seriously” Sam deadpanned. Dean looked at him in astonishment. When did his little brother grow up? His little boy, tiny baby Sammy who he bottle fed and taught how to tie shoelaces, was standing a few inches over 5 feet with a bitchface supreme, narrowed eyes and arms crossed over his chest.

“When?” Sam rolled his eyes so hard that Cas was afraid that he would hurt himself.

“When I heard you and Amanda Heckerling going at it three years ago and asked him what was happening.” Dean blushed furiously and looked nervously at Cas. It would be entirely reasonable for a current boyfriend to be angry or jealous about his past conquest and affairs. Alongside realization of the fact that his younger brother heard him while having sex and told Bobby about it…

He won’t be able to look both his brother and adopted father in the eyes for a long time.

But Cas nodded to himself with thinking face like all of it was entirely logical.

“It would be rational.” Sam turned towards Cas with an approving expression.

“Thank you, Cas. Now, either go to Dean’s room and try to be quiet or stay and help me with biology,” he said with a challenging turn of his chin. That was all they got in response to their relationship.

‘ _It seems to be some kind of approval… I think’_  

At least that what Cas hoped it was.

0o0

The only thing that Dean loved about the situation was cuddling. Yes, cuddling, although even Satan himself wouldn’t have forced him to admit it. To himself or anyone else.

He never realized how touch starved he was. Years, when Sammy used to climb into his lap, were long gone. Also, his father and Bobby were never the hugging types. His previous meaningless flings and one night stands were not enough. But with Cas it was different. Familiar and comforting. However, kissing, holding hands and other romantic activities just felt wrong. Sex was fantastic, Cas was one of the most giving lovers he had but afterwards made him feel very uncomfortable, out of place. But Cas was in love with him. Dean couldn’t hurt his friend, he couldn’t lose him. He just needed to put on his big boy pants on and do his best to be romantic, caring boyfriend Castiel deserved.

The sexual tension that existed between them before disappeared, but beside drastic increase of platonic affection, which pleased him, it felt like their friendship was damaged. Cas felt awkward, that is, more awkward than usual when they included in the romantic side of their relationship. Holding hands seemed weird and cheesy. Kissing was almost always sexual and passionate, but when they tried to make it tender it was even more bizarre. Sex though, sex was great. Dean had all the skills. Although whenever they both came down from their orgasmic highs, well, Cas often got up ran with some excuse. Castiel never dated someone seriously before, but he was sure it wasn’t supposed to be like that. All things they used to do together before becoming a couple became overshadowed by the need to make them romantic. Therefore awkward. Cas felt guilty. Dean was doing his best to give him space and tried so hard, and Castiel wasn’t even sure if he liked him like that. And Dean was really invested in their new relationship. Cas felt like the worst trash of this world. He was using Dean’s feeling and taking advantage of them to satisfy his sexual curiosity towards his… boyfriend. He was a truly disgusting human being.

Sam has been expecting this to happen for some time. Dean and Cas fitted together like two matching puzzles. He always knew that he didn’t have a chance with Cas, he was just a friend's little brother. He also realized how good they would be together when he was twelve, and they were sixteen. He saw them sitting close enough to brush their shoulders, talking and laughing over something quietly. Since that day it became his primary focus to get rid of his ridiculous, childish crush on Cas. Not that it ever worked out. Whenever he thought he got over Castiel, the older boy always had to do or say something to make poor Sam fall for him again. He was pathetic. So when three years later he walked on them making out in the living room he wasn’t even surprised. He did what any brother would do and whined about public indecency. He was happy for them. And if later at night Sam shed few tears into his pillow… Well, nobody had to know. Let’s not let anybody say that Sam Winchester was a weak, heartbroken child.

0o0

So had passed three months. It took three months for this time purely emotional, the tension between Dean and Cas to explode. And they were drunk. Again. It was their three months anniversary. A quarter of a year. So they, but mostly everyone besides the happy couple decided that it required a special kind of celebration. Therefore they banished Sam to his friend’s house and, Bobby to Ellen’s, so they could have the whole house to themselves.

Before Bobby and Sam had driven off, Singer looked at them sternly.

”We’ll be back at 10 am. I don’t want to see anything potentially scaring for me and Sam. Understood?” Young men nodded obediently. No one besides Ellen could handle an angry Bobby. “And take out your trash, ijits.” After delivering the necessary instructions, Bobby joined Sam in the car and left Dean and Cas alone on the porch. They glanced at each other.

“Come on, Cas.” Dean wrapped his arm around the shorter man’s waist. “Let’s celebrate. We have vodka and champagne. Starter and an ender.” Cas leaned back against Dean’s broad chest

“I have wine in my bag.”

“Good God, Cas, how much alcohol do we need for one night?” Cas furrowed his eyebrows.

“I prefer wine over vodka. Besides, you know I can’t handle very well such strong beverages. “

“Alright, I guess. Hey, that means more vodka for me.” Side by side they returned indoors. “So…” Dean fidgeted “Are we watching anything? We have Indiana Jones, Lord of the Ring, Harry Potter series and… what the hell? Love Actually. Some of Sam’s CDs too. I vote Indiana Jones!” Dean exclaimed, turning puppy-eyed expression at his boyfriend. It was cute, but Dean’s had nothing on Sam’s. The kid’s eyes could probably make a serial killer apologize. And The Bitchface would make them cover.

Cas chuckled. “Indiana Jones it is. Set it up, I’ll prepare food and liquor.” Dean’s eyes changed to disbelief. “Liquor? Dude, I thought that you grew out of such strange wording.” Cas blinked.

“It’s a perfectly normal noun, Dean.”

“Whatever you say, sweetcheeks.”  Dean laughed at Castiel’s mildly offended face and dived into a movie stash while Cas went to the kitchen. Dean bit his bottom lip. It was more like their friendship-hanging out than a three months anniversary. He had to do better. Having found one of Indiana Jones movies he put it in and sat comfortably on the couch as he waited for his boyfriend to come back with food.

“You would have made a good wife.” He stated, slapping Cas’s butt teasingly.

“Hey!” Cas squeaked and blushed, annoyed. The dark-haired put bottles with alcohol on a floor and reclined with a bowl full of popcorn next to Dean. He cuddled to his side with a little satisfied sigh. Dean had all the skills. Sex and cuddles.

_‘Whoever ends up with him for life will be one happy person, ’_ he thought absentmindedly.  Then he winced internally. He kept thinking about Dean as his single friend. But he wasn’t. He was _his_ _boyfriend_. He was the person who’ll enjoy sex and cuddles. Somehow, he wasn’t ecstatic about it. He wanted Dean to fall in love with someone who would return his feelings. And Cas also wanted it for himself. What can you say, he was romantic at heart after all.

The movie started, so they started drinking. First symbolic champagne, delivered earlier by Jo, then wine and in Dean’s case, vodka. In their stressed state of mind, it didn’t take too long for both of them to get pleasantly tipsy. And then drunk, and some.

The movie has ended with Harrison Ford riding off into the sunset, and Dean sighed happily. Cas was dozing off on his shoulder. It felt nice before, but after an hour his arm was falling asleep, and he kinda wanted it back.

“Caaas.” The smaller boy made a grumpy little noise in the back of his throat as he woke up.

“What?” he slurred.

“My arm is asleep. Get off.”

“Ohhhh. I apolegise. Apologeise? Apolo…”  Cas trailed off trying to put a coherent sentence together in his inebriated brain. He giggled and hiccuped. “Deeaan, it’s bee’ precisely three months, and we are drunk again.”

 Dean chuckled. “Yeah,” and after a short moment, “I’m sorry, Cas. I should have made a dinner of somethin’. Romantic, ya’know.”

“Nah” Cas frowned “No harm done.”

“No, but really, I’m a terrible boyfriend.”

“No! I’m a bad boyfriend.”

“Well. I’m bader!”

“No! I am” Dean shoved Cas by the shoulder, and after some struggling against each other, Winchester ended up on top. Dean took the opportunity and hid his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.

“I’m a bad person. I’m a liaaaar.” Blonde’s words were slightly muffled.

“No, Dean, you’re the bestest. What do you mean by a liar?” Cas put his palms between his shoulder blades and started to pet Dean, trying to comfort him.

“Not telling! ” Dean whined into the junction between neck and shoulder of the man beneath him. Cas jabbed fingers of his second hand into soft space just under Dean’s ribs causing bigger one to gasp and wriggle away a bit. “Hey! That’s dirty move!”

“Then tell me!”

“Nooooo.”

“But-“

“No.”

“So maybe we’ll say it together”  Cas proposed. Dean blinked.

“Say what?” Cas sneered.

“Why we are bad boyfriends, Dean. Keep up.”

“Oh, okay. On three?” Cas suddenly felt much more sober than at the beginning of that nonsensical conversation.

“Okay. One.”

“Two” Cas croaked.

“Three! I’m not in love with ya.”

“I don’t have romantic feelings towards you.”

“Wait. What?” Dean raised his head and stared at his friend. His face was unreadable. “You don’t?”

“And you don’t?”

“Nooo.”

“Yea, me neither.” They stared at each other in shell-shocked silence. Then Dean erupted into a hysterical giggling fit. After a second, Cas joined him. When they calmed down a bit, Cas still panting pushed Dean off himself. He yawned.

“Y’know we are going to talk about it?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Sober”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“First thing in the morning.”

“Sure. Now shut up and let me sleep.”

0o0

Dean woke up with Cas shaking his shoulders fanatically. Sun picked that moment to blind him with its annoying light. He closed his eyes again. Dean was _not_ a happy bunny.

“Dean, wake up. Sam and Bobby will be here in an hour.” Dean groaned.

 “And?”

“And we need to clean up! And by we I meant you. You spilled popcorn all over the place, remember?” Dean opened one eye and yup, the whole floor was covered in grease and peases of fried corn. He whined miserably but sat up.

“Here.” Cas pushed a glass of water and painkiller into his hands. “Take this and help me.”

“Okay, okay. Jeeze. Don’t get your panties in twist.”

“Don’t be a jerk” Cas snapped

“Now, you know that Sammy is possessive of that nickname.”

“Sam is not here. But he will be, soon. So don’t be an assbutt and get to work.” Cas barked. He also wasn’t a happy bunny. Brunet took away half-empty glass and gave Dean a vacuum. Then he stormed off to the kitchen. Without unnecessary comments, Dean started to half-heartedly clean. The kept moving pipe in his hands while his mind was running a hundred miles per minute. While last night he was drunk enough to babble out his thoughts, he wasn’t drunk enough to forget that he did. He also could remember what Cas said. He sighed. As much as he hated talking about feelings, especially his own, they needed to have a serious conversation.

Dean hated being mature.

For the next hour, they moved in silent tandem, working. When they were done, the living room was in the same state as previous afternoon. Dean exhaled with relief. At least Bobby wouldn’t be after his ass. He collapsed on the couch next to Castiel.

“We need to talk,” Cas said, “And please don’t say ‘famous last words.’”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I advise to do it now before your family comes back.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Is it all you have to say?” Cas sneered. “It’s a serious matter, Dean.  Try harder.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry. So… what happened last night? Hell, what was happening for last three months?” Cas seemed to avoid eye contact but finally broke.

“For what I understand, we jumped into a romantic relationship under pressure of our environment and because of unresolved sexual tension. Neither of us had any feeling of that kind but was sure that the other has them.  Am I right?” Cas rambled on, regressing into formal speech, as always when he was very nervous. And he was. Future of his longest and most precious relationship was on stake. Dean coughed and croaked.

“Yeah, that sums it all pretty neatly.” Cas slumped against Dean’s side, all tension leaving his body at once.

“I felt so terrible! I was sure that I was using your feelings for sex! Please, tell me this is our break up.” Dean laughed, relieved.

“Yes, Cas. This is our break up. Man, the weirdest break up ever. Sue me, but it feels like the best decision I’ve made since befriending you. “

“I wouldn’t have sued you. Besides, I doubt if there is a law that would suit our situation.” Dean huffed, amused.

“It’s a manner of speaking Cas. I thought you knew this one already.” He paused “Right now, we have a bigger concern” Cas raised his head from Dean’s shoulder.

“Huh?”

“We have to tell everyone that we broke up.”

“… _Shit_ ”

“Shit indeed.”

0o0

Bobby stopped the car, a big, pale-yellow (ugly as hell) pick up, by his house. He turned to Sam, who spend most of their ride silent, and observed him for a second. Besides some gloominess in his posture, the kid seemed to be quite alright with his darling big brother dating his ever-forever crush. Then again, Sam could be even more stubborn and emotionally handicapped than Dean sometimes. Even if something was bothering him. Hell, especially if something was bothering him. And Bobby could feel it in his gut that it was the case. Sam hasn’t and wouldn’t make a fuss. Bobby found himself often caught between pride and frustration because of that boy’s selflessness.

“Y’ready, kid?” Sam flinched in surprise. He was somewhere deep in his head.

“Yup, let’s go.” The teenager opened car’s door and marched towards their house. Bobby sighed. He doubted if Dean knew that he and Cas were hurting the kid. With a pained grunt, he tumbled out of the car. He was getting too old for this.

Sam waited for him patiently at the door. God bless Mary and her good genes. Dean was never this well-behaved. Bobby reached out for the handle but hesitated. ”Close your eyes, Sam. Just in case.” Sammy rolled his eyes hard, and yes, it was one beautiful bitchface. Bobby found Dean’s title surprisingly fitting.  Still, Sam lowered his eyelids obediently. Bobby guessed that if there was an incident when Sam didn’t want to see Castiel naked it was when he would see him naked with Dean. “There we go.” And so older man opened the door. He blinked. No thrown around clothes around the stairs. “Stay here.”

“Cranky old man.” Sam grumbled under his nose. Bobby felt a tug on the corner of his mouth. Teenagers. Cute.

“I heard that.” Bobby walked deeper into the house. He stopped, before going into a living room and yelled, “Are you boys decent? I hope you managed not to destroy my living room!”

“Nah, it’s all whole and sparkling.” With that, Bobby allowed himself in. It was clean, and both couch and rug looked not-defiled.

_‘Thank God for that. I’d have to burn it.’_

Then he noticed the strange way in which the young couple was standing in the middle of the room. Like they were waiting for something.

“Is everything alright?” He asked carefully. Dean nodded.

“Yes. Everything is good.” Cas shot his boyfriend a weird look. Dean caught it and straightened his posture. “And we have an announcement” he added. Cas was smiling with his little mysterious smile with equally mysterious air around him. He seemed pleased. Bobby paled. If they were a heterosexual couple, it would mean that either they were pregnant or getting married. And since one option was impossible…

“I protest! You two are too young for marriage!” Bobby protested with panicked tone in his voice. It was way too early for this. They were together for only three months! And Sam! Poor kid would have to be a flower boy (or maybe a best man) at Cas’ wedding.

_‘What to do, what to do…’_

The boys blinked.

And _roared_ with laughter. Dean almost fell over clutching his stomach. Cas cried a bit. After they calmed down, Dean announced with a grin on his face, still panting slightly.

“We broke up.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, sorry for late update.  
> Disclamers:  
> I have no idea how hospitals ect work in US.  
> I have even less idea how universities work in US
> 
> I tired to do some research but in the end I found nothing, so exuse my mistakes.  
> I'm Sorry
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy chapter 2!!!

CHAPTER 2

Sam, who joined them after he overheard the word ‘marriage’ and decided that he may want to know what’s going on, gaped. Confusion and happiness followed by guilt and sadness were tangled up inside him.

“But why?” he croaked at the same time as Bobby shouted “What!?”

“Apparently,” Castiel said with a carefully blank face, “our relationship was an effect of environmental pressure and curiosity.” After a moment of startled silence, Bobby let out a long exhale full of general exasperation.

“I’m way too sober for this. And it’s morning. You’re going to be death of my liver, boys.” He paused and picked a random bottle from the cupboard. “But seriously guys, if it’s a mutual decision then do whatever flies your boat.” Dean and Cas exchanged relieved glances. Somehow, they didn't think that it would be that easy. However, the marriage thing was a surprise…

“Just don’t think that Ellen and Jo are going to let it go. You were their favorite couple. Good luck with that.”

Sam’s poor heart didn’t know what to do with it, so he stayed in low-keyed shock for the whole aftermath of that talk. He was silent when Cas was gathering his things. Not that he took out more than half of it on the previous night. Leaving, he patted Dean’s shoulder and ruffled Sam’s hair fondly. Sam’s brain was, of course, too overworked, for him to register it and react with something embarrassing. Like a blush. Which he didn’t have, of course. Not at all.

Sam sometimes hated himself.

As soon as the door closed behind Cas, Sam grabbed his brother by the elbow and dragged him upstairs to Sam’s room. Dean didn’t protest much. He wanted to sort it out with Sam. He knew that there was no running away from Sam with a purpose in his mind. Not that he enjoyed being dragged around by the short stack. The kid had no respect for his elders.

“What the hell Sam?”

Sam fluttered around him. Sat him down, closed the door and started to walk toward the window. And back. To window. And back. “Sit down Sammy. You’re giving me a headache, and I’ve just got rid of one.”

“ ‘What the hell?’, ‘What the hell?!’ That’s my line! What happened last night?” Sam snapped. Dean almost wanted to scold his brother but stopped himself. Sam was worried. And he was showing it by making angry demands and overall prissy behavior. He felt a sudden wave of fondness for the little twerp.

“We broke up Sammy. It happens, y’know?” He smiled gently. Sam looked outraged.

“But, but to you two?” the younger one shuttered. “You were like some fairy tale couple.” Sam paused “I’m gonna kill you if you ever mention that I said that.”

Dean sighed. “Sam, Cas and I are best friends, and that friendship suffered when we were a thing. The whole couple thing… it wasn’t us. We both knew it, so we decided to return to being friends. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. We are fine.”

“But I don’t understand,” Sam whined, a bit calmer.

“Tough luck little brother. Maybe one day you’ll have that one friend that everyone will try to matchmake you with.”

Sam wrinkled his nose. He seriously doubted it.

Then, their stomachs rumbled in hungry unison. Dean grinned, glad that there was something to end that awkward conversation. Also, he was hungry.

“What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be downstairs and helping Bobby with lunch? Chop, chop. Off you go!” Sam shot him a bitchface no.23. One of his best.

“Just get out of my room, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Dean hoped that it was an end of that topic. Cackling, he left Sam’s room and went to his bed. Night on the couch wasn’t comfortable. A nap before lunch wouldn’t hurt. When he fell asleep, he was feeling much lighter.

Sam went downstairs. He needed to do something with his hands. Fortunately, he liked to cook. He often found it soothing, something he needed at that moment.

“Something to help with?” he asked Bobby. After receiving gruff directions, he and Bobby settled into a practiced rhythm. When he was little, it was Dean who always cooked for them, as John never cared about such details as a home-cooked meal. Later, when they moved to Bobby’s, he discovered that it was a quite enjoyable activity for him and took over that responsibility. Not that Dean minded. The older one preferred to bake anyway.

 He went through everything that happened. Dean and Cas broke up and apparently never were in love. It didn’t make any sense to him. They were perfect for each other.

He didn’t know what to feel. On one side, he felt sorry for them. He doubted that they weren’t hurt by these circumstances. On the other side, he was also happy, in some perverse way, and, because of that, eaten up by guilt. His selfish little crush made him enjoy their misfortune. It was disgusting, but if what they said was true, then it didn’t really matter. After a while, Sam stopped shooting Cas suspicious glares. Crush or 

not, if he had hurt Dean in any way… well, he wouldn’t be nice.

Everyone who knew Dean and Cas was shocked and indignant about their split up. Some people didn’t accept that and, like Jo for example, for next year and some tried to push them together again. This time though, they weren’t bothered by that. It was funny. The pair of friends, now that they talked everything out, laughed at fruitless attempts of matchmaking. Dean and Castiel’s friendship rebuilt itself. For a while, Dean was free from any concerns more significant than an annoying client or Cas’s trouble at school.

0o0

The calm lasted until the second half of May, two years later, couple weeks after his little brother’s seventeenth birthday. Sam’s girlfriend of four months broke up with him. And had been cheating on him for half of that time with some football player. It was an ugly and unfortunately public break up. Sam came home crushed and humiliated.

That day Dean found Sam curled up on his bed with slightly red and puffy eyes and open laptop with Netflix on. His heart twisted. Sammy shouldn’t look so… defeated.

“What’s up with the long face kiddo?” Sam, not turning his eye’s away from the screen, answered in a blank voice.

“Madison was cheating on me since God knows when.  And she was stealing pieces of my essays for herself, and her other boyfriend to get better marks.” Dean winced and gaped a little. Madison seemed like a sweet girl, worthy of his baby brother. He knew that Sam lost his virginity to her. He confessed it to Dean one afternoon blushing furiously. He had been so proud. Now remembering it made him even more livid.

_‘And she… Goddamnit, what a bitch!’_

How dare she use and hurt his baby brother. He could feel his face turn red with anger. His freckles disappeared from his skin. He never hit a girl, but it was tempting to make an exception. Or maybe talk to her parent like a responsible adult he needed to be. Sometimes he hated being an adult. That other guy though, that one he could beat up…

“What a bitch! Who is this guy? I swear I’m gonna…”

“Don’t,” Sam interrupted him, “not worth it. I just need to sulk a bit. At least I’m not the one with problems in school. Mr. Jeskins believed me, and they are in trouble for plagiarism. They may get suspended.” He smiled weakly at his brother from under his floppy hair. “She called me a naïve midget,” he whispered sadly. Dean felt all his anger leave him. Right now he only needed to take that miserable expression off Sammy’s face. It didn’t belong there.

While Sam wasn’t tiny, he was still below average. Dean didn’t know why. He was tall, dad was tall, and their mom was on the taller side too. And yet, at the age of seventeen, Sam was just 5’6.

“That can change. You will have another grow sprut.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Sam said. “You stopped growing upwards at seventeen.” Dean took a deep breath.

“We are two different people, Sam. You still have a chance.” He patted Sam’s shaggy hair. “Some of my friends were still growing at nineteen and stopped at twenty. Everybody is different.” Sam nodded with a pensive look on his face, but Dean could see that he wasn’t convinced.

0o0

Cas left the building in state of mental, intellectual ecstasy. His hard work had paid off. Place at transfer program and scholarship in New York was his. He, of course, made a fool of himself when his professor passed over to him an offer to continue his studies in one of the most exclusive universities. But nevermind. He was going to New York!

Of course, his family would be able to pay his tuition at some great university without bigger trouble, as they did for Inaias, Anna and Balthazar. But his mother sternly shot him down. “That money would go to waste,” she said, “you wouldn’t exploit such an opportunity. It's better for you to stay in town.” He just asked why. It’s not like Balthazar ever got a better mark than him. “It’s more than that. He took a serious major, not some biology nonsense like you. And he is building connections for himself. You wouldn’t even think of doing it, not talking about success in it.”

And like always, he hadn’t had enough spine to protest and defend himself. But now he was proving his mother, father and every single person that they were wrong.

Cas sighed happily. It was a dream come true. All those entomology famous people, all those opportunities! He was so pumped up that instead of taking the last of three buses he needed to take to reach his family home, he decided to walk through the nearby park to cool his mind.

With head in the clouds, he was crossing a vast lawn when he noticed somehow familiar stature curled up on the bench by a large oak. Curled up like they were in pain. He hesitated, but his kindness won and he headed toward the bench. It was quite dark. When he was just a few feet away, he thought he could recognize Sam Winchester.

_‘What is he doing here? At this hour? Dean must be worried_ _sick…’_

That’s if it was Sam. It could be a random homeless person or some psycho killer hunting for nice people like him. He shook his head to himself. Paranoia was Dean’s mantle. He was spending too much with him.

“Sam? Is that you?” he reached out slowly. Person nodded. Sam was breathing slowly and deeply although not in I’m-happy-sleeping-person way. “Why are you here? Does Dean know where you are? Did something happen?”

Sam sniffed and glanced shyly at Cas, ashamed of his condition. Cas sighed internally. He hoped that kid would gain some confidence someday. Ever since he first met Sam, the younger one was always acting in a shy, almost scared or flustered manner. It was sad to see such a bright teenager having so little self-confidence.

 “I was walking home and then… I-I needed to sit for a while. And… it hurts to stand up,” he whispered with tears of both pain and humiliation glistening in his eyes. Cas’s face instantly softened, and his concern intensified.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Sam bit down a sob. He was tired, stressed and in pain, on the verge of breaking down. Cas’ worry kept skyrocketing.

“My knees hurt.” Cas blinked, and his concern evaporated a bit. Just a moment ago through his head flashed worse possibilities, from an appendix inflammation to a stab wound, which was stupid, because Sam had his appendix removed when he was thirteen. He could still remember his pained cries and Dean’s absolute panic.

 

“Okay, your knees. Do you know why? Were they hurting before? Is it a sharp pain or a dull one? Does anyone know where you are? Talk to me, Sam.”

“They were hurting a little for a week but not constantly and,” he took a shuddering breath” never that hard. Also, kinda both? I don’t know…” Sam’s voice faltered, and Cas barely resisted an urge to coo at him. “And my phone is dead, so no, Dean doesn’t know.” Sammy finished miserably. He was looking at Cas with big droopy eyes slightly wet with unshed tears.

“Can you walk?”

“I think so…” Sam hesitated “It’s not as bad as it was two hours ago” Cas’s brow furrowed. How long had he been sitting on that bench?

“Come on, I’ll help you up. Then we’ll see. We need to get you home. Bobby will know what to do.”

“Okay,” Sam said meekly. With some fumbling, Sam stood up, only to falter and let Cas hold him up. At this point, blood returning to his cramped limbs was more painful than his still intensely sore joints. Cas put Sam’s arm around his shoulders and helped him to take a few steps, incidentally pressing their sides against each other.

Sam felt his insides turn to jelly. After all these years of knowing Cas, he never was in such proximity to him. The most he got before, were few awkward half-hugs. Winchester felt some weird gratefulness towards his pain. I was a big turn off, but he still prayed to God, pleading Him not to let Sam spurt a surprise erection. That would be even more humiliating than that whole incident, his break up with Madison and having his hair dyed pink when he was fourteen and Dean decided to prank him.

These first five of ten steps were the most painful. After staying in one position on that bench for so long, not only blood came back to Sam’s legs but also most of his muscles screamed in protest and spasmed angrily. He whimpered.

Which didn’t stop him from having to muffle a small happy sound in the next moment. Despite the fact it was middle of May, it was a cool evening, and Castiel was delightfully warm against him. He radiated with warmth and tempted Sam to lean on him even more with it.

At Sam’s pitiful whimper Cas couldn’t stop himself again, and lowly cooed. The teenager was pressing all his buttons and woke up his protective instincts. Cas never realized he had ones before.

“Let’s go,” Cas said in a forced bright tone, trying to cheer Sam up. Not that it worked, Sam just lowered his eyes and stared hard at his legs who decided to betray him like that. After realizing that it didn’t bring results, Castiel figured it would be better to shut up and not attempt it again.

They strolled through the park and later along the street in silence. In Sioux Falls most of the city’s road activity dropped after nine pm, besides the strict centrum that is. As it was half-past nine cars passed them by rarely.

“Why were you at the park alone anyway? It’s not on your way from school.” Sam’s cheeks turned pink.  He muttered something under his nose. “I apologize. I didn’t hear that”

Sam cursed silently. “Bobby mentioned getting a dog, and I wanted to check the park out.” Cas grinned. It was so like Sam, to look for walking routes for a hypothetical puppy. What he knew from Dean’s numerous complains through the years about his little brother’s pleading for a dog and how Sam always wandered off if he saw a dog nearby, that he yearned for a pet since childhood.

Shame that Bobby thought about it so late. Sam would leave for college in roughly year and half. He definitely won’t settle for one of Sioux Falls’ universities. Cas loved his university, the familiar people and atmosphere, but he knew that Sam wouldn’t be satisfied with it.

_‘Maybe we’ll go to New York together.’_

Cas stopped by that thought. He wanted to tell Dean and Gabriel, he generally told these two most of his secrets problems and news, but in these circumstances, he could make an exception. Gabriel who never left to get higher education broke off from the family and set up his own bakery like he always dreamed. Through the years their bond tightened, and Gabe became his safe place, especially when there was the mess with Dean going on.

“Hey, by the way, I have a big announcement. I intended to tell everyone tomorrow, but you can be first to know.” He saw a spark of interest in Sam’s eyes. He felt a surge of satisfaction. Everything was better than a distressed face. Dean would have to get over it.

“I got a scholarship in New York. It’s the first one like that. I got picked out of, like, hundred other applicants in my field. I’m transferring” Castiel preened subconsciously. Sam blinked. A shadow of emotion appeared on his face, but Cas couldn't recognize it. So he dismissed it. He must have seen wrong.

“Oh,” he gasped, stunned “So you’re leaving?” Cas blinked. He didn’t even fully realize that fact himself.

“Y-yeah. It seems so.”

“Dean will be sad. But he can stuff it.” Sam smiled at Cas toothly, flashing his dimples in the low lighting of the street lights. “Congratulations!” he raised his voice a bit. Sam seemed to genuinely happy for him.  
“But I need you to know that I’ll fail biology without you.”

 Cas laughed, immediately feeling lighter. Sam often had that effect on people, and Cas wasn’t an exception.  Gabriel, who despite their big, eight years, age difference and differences in characters struck a strange kinship with Sam, called it Sam Effect. While it wasn’t as close as Cas’s and Dean’s friendship, at least Castiel thought so, they understood each other pretty well. They even teamed up against Dean and Cas in most of their epic prank wars. Gabe also called Sam his ‘tiny young apprentice’, dismissing the fact that they are roughly the same height since Sam was fifteen.

Still, Cas frowned a bit. He didn’t like the self-degrading tone Sam used. He stopped in the middle of step making Sam stumble a bit. He turned shorter boy around and grabbed him by shoulders and stared right into Sam’s startled hazel eyes.

“Look, Sam,” he said in a serious voice. Sam shivered a little at the sound of Castiel’s deep voice. Cas blamed the wind. “Dean and I are very different, but there is one thing that we agree on without any doubts and arguments.” Sam’s eye’s widened in surprise, he wasn’t sure where that conversation was going. “You are the smartest person we know.”

Sam made a dying noise in the back of his throat and suddenly felt a little light-hearted with a mixture of embarrassment, low-key pride and sheer mortification on these words. For God’s sake, Cas said it without any hesitation or embarrassment. 

_‘What the fuck is wrong with him? You don’t say things like that out loud!’_ he thought, slightly hysterical. But what came out from his mouth was a shy: “Y-you really think so?”,  Sam asked whispering so quietly that Cas barely heard him. Shurley’s heart melted, and his lips stretched into a gentle smile. Sam was too humble for his own good.

“Yes, I really think so. Therefore, I’m assured that you’ll pass biology with flying colors.” He ruffled the teenager’s hair fondly. “Now come on, we are almost at your home. How are your legs?” Sam grimaced. Now that the whirlwind of emotions was mostly dispelled, he once again became aware of pain in his knees.

“They hurt,” he sighed. Cas wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist pulling him closer and squeezed his side lightly.

“Just five more minutes.” Sam was worried that his face would stay red forever. He also knew for sure that as soon as he stops hurting all thoughts that Cas bestowed upon him will fuel many of his future fantasies.

When they got home, they faced furious and out-of-their-minds with worry Bobby and Dean. Sam’s brother welcomed him with a tight embrace and bundled him up in his jacket. Dean almost picked him up, but Sam growled out plausible treats of severe biting. Bobby fussed around him for a second before regaining his logic thinking and pushing all three of his boys inside.

Before Sam realized what was going on, he was sitting on the couch in the living room, half leaning on Dean’s chest with a blanket (fluffy green one, his favorite) around his shoulders and warm cup of tea in his hands. Bobby and Cas were inspecting his knees while kneeling and squatting, in Cas’s case. Sam was suddenly glad that he was wearing shorts.

“No swelling, no bruising, a little warm though” Bobby raised himself from his knees with a pained grunt.

“Um, Bobby?” Cas hesitated “I think there is a slight swelling.” Bobby squinted.

“Huh. You might be right. Well then,” he turned to look Sam in the eye “If they still hurt you tomorrow, I’m taking you to the doctor first thing in the morning.”

“That’s right,” Dean nodded. His own paleness withdrew a bit now that he had his little brother at home, safe and near him. When Sam was gone and not picking up his calls, he was in a full-blown panic. He felt like a powerless twelve years old.

Cas shifted his weight from one foot to another. It definitely wasn’t a right moment to announce his news, but he knew that if he kept it away from Dean and Bobby, they wouldn’t be pleased. Maybe he should come back tomorrow… Then Sam looked him straight in the eye. It was a weird feeling. Sometimes Sam’s eyes felt like they could see one’s all thoughts. After a second that felt more like an hour, Sam simply turned sight away and took a small sip of his still hot tea.

“Cas would like to say something.” Castiel shot him both betrayed and amused look.

“Um…”

“Cas?” Dean with difficulty tore his eyes away from Sam and glanced at him. “Something happened?” Cas fidgeted uncomfortably. Bobby also turned to him watching him with expectation. Castiel chuckled lowly. Sam was one devious little guy.

“Yes, but I don’t think it’s a right moment to…”

“Cas.”

“What?”

“Get on with it.” Dean shook his head. Sometimes Cas was a scholar with superior intelligence and big vocabulary. Sometimes he was as clueless and awkward as a pre-teen.

“Oh, um, okay. So,” brunet took a deep breath “There was this thing at school, and scholarship was the price, I applied and got in,” he rambled on, “So just before the start of the next semester I’m leaving and gonna finish my degree in New York.” Castiel finally inhaled. Dean gasped.

 

“Congratulations man, I’m proud of you!” he exclaimed, for once not applying to his famous no-chick-flick-moments. Then the second part reached his brain. Cas was leaving. **For years**. The ground moved away from his feet, and he was glad he was sitting because if he were standing, he would have fallen over. His best friend was going to leave the town. Leave him. For over seven years there almost wasn’t a day when they haven’t seen each other. It was a crushing realization.

Dean felt small palm patting his foreman gently. He looked down and met Sam’s big and understanding brown eyes. In that moment of vulnerability, he was grateful to the universe for giving him such a great little brother.

“So yeah,” Cas said awkwardly, fully aware of what was going on in his friend’s head. He was in the same turmoil on his and Sam’s way from the park. Bobby cleared his throat.

“Congratulations, Cas. We all will miss you.”

“I will miss you too,” Cas said with a strangled voice. He was on the verge of unexpected tears. He loved that small strange family with all his heart. With that three sad pairs of an eye looking at him with pride he doubted if success ever tasted so bittersweet.

After they all got themselves under control like the many men they were, Bobby jumped into the role of the grumpy caretaker. He had Dean help Sam upstairs and almost ordered Cas to stay overnight. All three gladly listened to him. They were all exhausted.

Sam fell like a sack of potatoes onto his bed falling asleep right away. Dean smiled fondly at his sleeping brother. He was so worried when Sam didn’t pick up his calls. And then Cas’s news. He was so mentally and emotionally tired. He gently took Sammy’s covers from under him and tucked it around his little brother. He picked a cowlick of Sam’s hair between his fingers. It’s been a long time since he last tucked Sam to sleep.

He was still worried though. Pain in knees could be passed as a growing pain, but it seemed too intense to be from sudden grow sprout. His own was more of an annoying inconvenience than a violent I-can’t-walk pain. He sighed. He was in desperate need of a nap or even better of a full night of sleep.

0o0

When Sam woke up following morning, he noticed two things. First, somehow, he was under the covers, instead of being on top of them like he was while falling asleep last night. Second, his knees were still sore. With his mind dizzy with sleepiness, he thought over his options. He could get up and see if anyone else was awake or go back to sleep. He yawned. The second one, definitely the second one.

It wasn’t given to him, though. As soon as he closed his eyes again, Dean opened the door with annoyingly cheerful voice.

“Rise and shine, Sammy!” Sam burrowed his face into his pillow with a groan. It had to be a big brother thing. Last night Dean was a complete and utter mother-hen, and now he turned into a ruthless sleep taker. “Up you go. Breakfast is ready, princess.”

Sam whined softly but proceded to sit up on the bed. Dean was watching him with keen eyes. Underneath all his bravado he was as worried as he was the previous night. He was waiting for something to happen. Sam looked at his legs curiously and stood up.

“And?” Dean asked. Sam decided to tell the truth. Dean would be unbearable in his quest to find out the truth and he could smell Sam lying from a mile away.

“They hurt a little, but not as much as yesterday,” He said, slapping Dean’s fussy hands away as they were getting ready to help him. “You’re such a mother hen, I swear to God,” he grumbled.

“Hey! I’m not! Have some respect for your elders.”

“What respect ?” Sam asked barely keeping himself from laughing.

His stomach rumbled loudly, and Sammy blushed. He forgot that he hadn’t eaten since the previous day’s lunch. He was starving.

“Come on, Sammy. They are waiting for us.” They headed downstairs to the kitchen. Sam grimaced slightly while going down the stairs. He didn’t need to ask who were ‘they’, that Dean had in mind. Castiel was a regular overnight guest at their home. Especially when he and Dean were dating. Ugh, he could still remember that horrible feeling when Dean and Cas used to retreat for the night, both blushing, for obvious reasons. They were the worst three months in his life. Okay, he might have exaggerated, but he was far from fine at that time.

 

When Sam and Dean joined their father figure and friend in the kitchen, they both fluttered around Sam and overwhelmed him with questions.

“How are your legs? Do we need to go to the doctor? Are you okay? Are you hungry?” Both Bobby and Castiel had nervous and impatient expressions. Sam rolled his eyes hard.

“Yes, good morning to you two too. How was your sleep?” Bobby stared at him unimpressed. Sam sighed. “They are a little sore, no we don’t have to go, yes and yes. So, can we eat?” Bobby frowned.

“If they are still hurting then we have to get them checked out. It’s not normal. Don’t be an idjit and eat your breakfast, then. As soon as you finish, we’ll drive out.” Sam sighed.

He was still embarrassed about the drama he caused the previous day. Winchester hated being in the center of attention, especially in that way. He also thought that they were all overreacting. He probably just pulled or tore or overworked his joints somehow on his soccer training. He already felt better and was sure that the pain would completely disappear within a week or so. A trip to the hospital would be a horrible waste of time and fuel. He decided to protest.

“It’s probably nothing bad, I mean, I’m better today. There’s no need to go and bother some doctor.”

Cas’s eyes had gone so wide that they might have as well popped out of their sockets. For a person, so brilliant (Cas wasn’t lying or exaggerating evening before) Sam could say some really dumb things.

“No, Sam,” he raised his voice “You’re going.” Dean nodded furiously.

“Don’t even try to argue with us,” he said, “ It’s three against one.” Sam’s face spasmed and created a well known to everyone present bitchface.

“Fine,” he said in that pained way he often used when he knew he had lost.

After breakfast, Cas had to say his goodbyes and leave. He had a lot of people to call and paperwork to fill. Therefore, he couldn’t accompany them to the hospital. As soon as Sam got dressed, Bobby and Dean packed and headed to the Sioux Falls General free clinic.

When they arrived, they found out that, unfortunately, they weren’t the only one in need of medical attention that morning. Sam was quite astonished by the amount of sneezing, coughing people with cold or flu in the middle of May. Anyway, the clinic was bursting.

Sam sighed, he was glad that he managed to sneak a book with him. Because his visit wasn’t scheduled beforehand, he ended up at the end of the queue. One of the employes fished out his file Since he was officially registered, and placed it at the bottom of the enormous pile of similar folders. He sat down on an uncomfortable plastic chair, surely the cheapest they could find, and settled down for long waiting. He opened his book on the page he ended the day before and did his best to ignore Dean ogling attractive nurses and overall noisy people around him. And grumpy Bobby next to him.

After full two hours of waiting, full of Dean’s useless comments and Bobby’s snoring (he nodded off after first twenty minutes of waiting) his file had slowly reached the top of the pile. Seeing it, Sam stretched in his chair, with satisfaction feeling his spine pop couple times. He closed his book, carefully marking the page he was on. Then, he jabbed his fingers into Bobby’s gut. Older man’s eyes flew open cutting himself off in the middle of a snore.

“What?”                              

“I’m next.” Bobby hummed happily. Finally.

 “At last we go,” Dean said dramatically when a middle-aged man in scrubs called out his name.

“Samuel Winchester? Exam room 3!” doctor called out with a raspy voice. Sam thought that it sounded like he was doing it way too often. He stood up, freeing his poor butt from the chair of torture. Dean and Bobby followed him into the room doctor pointed out. Middle-aged man held the door open for them and went in as the last one.

0o0

Tom Gains MD let out a twenty-something student who came to the clinic high as a kite asking for a prescription for more happy pills. He squeezed bridge of his nose in annoyance. He hated clinic duty.

_I’m a fucking surgeon, surely I’m needed on some, uh I don’t know, surgery?_

“Here you go, doctor.” A brightly (too brightly) smiling nurse gave him next file in a plain brown folder. He entered the clinic four hours ago, and he low-key wanted to die. He took part in ten hours long surgeries before, but it was the predictability of a clinic that bored him to tears. He became a doctor to help them, but later he found his destiny in being a surgeon and it changed almost everything.

He grabbed the file and opened it. Seventeen years old male, 5’6, admitted with intense pain in knees. Huh.

“Samuel Winchester? Exam room 3.” He called out with a raspy voice. Another reason to hate clinic. Nonstop talking. He had great respect for teachers and their made-of-steel throats. He was jealous, he wanted on too.

A brown haired teenager stood up with two other men. They looked like some male model and creepy uncle. Tom had a bad feeling about it. They followed the kid into the exam room. Gains decided to let them through first and closed the door behind himself. They did not look like a happy bunch. The teenager grimaced when he jumped onto the exam table. The blond man beside him fidgeted and his hands clenched and unclenched. The older brother then.

And the pain in knees. Geez. Another overprotective family. He forced himself to smile, he got paid for that. In a way.  It probably looked more like a weird muscle spasm anyway.

“So what’s the problem, gentleman?”

“You should have it in that pretty folder over there,” the older man growled and glared at him. Ouch. So grumpy.  Strange, if to think about it, most of the overprotective parents were more aggressive. God knew that he met his fair share of those.

“His knees hurt. Badly,” said impatiently Male Model, visibly trying hard to be polite. Yup, definitely an older brother. He could see some resemblance in the jawline.

“Okay then.” Tom pulled a little stool to himself and sat down in one fluid motion. He rolled forward to get a better view of Samuel’s legs. It was probably just growing pains. “Intense pain you say.” He hummed. “It’s probably just a growing pain,” he said while examining the joints. He frowned though, he could feel a small swelling and a little heat. Then again he could be wrong, it’s not like he knew kid’s joints personally. Everybody was different.

“Growing pain my ass,” older brother barked. His patient rolled his eyes.

“He is the doctor Dean, besides I told you you’re overreacting.” Scruffy older man made a face like he had heard that before and wasn’t pleased.

“Growing pains are not bad enough to make walking problematic.” Tom froze. If that was true, then it wasn’t a growing problem.

„Problematic? Wow, Dean, I didn’t know you knew such sophisticated language!”

„Shut up, bitch!”

“You couldn’t walk?” the doctor asked sharply. Samuel blushed under his scrutiny.

“I could. I just-“

“He sat down and couldn’t get up,” the brother, Dean, supplied. “My friend had to help him get home.”

“That changes a lot, young man,” Tom said sternly to Samuel, “Growing pains can be intense, but they shouldn’t prevent you from moving.” He stood up and took off his gloves. “ I’ll see if we can squeeze you in for some tests.”

While he was walking out of the room Gains turned around with a small smile. “ You stay and wait for me here, I know how terrible chairs are in the hall.”

Tom almost skipped his way to the director's office. He could check the schedule without her input but wasn’t it fun to interrupt?

“Boss.”

“What?” Not polite, either she was alone and miserable or with someone, and he was interrupting in every meaning of that word.

“I need forms for parental consent and to check out the MRI schedule. I need to look into kid’s knees.” His and everyone’s boss stuck her head out of the room.

“Then do a USG, y’know the one we have on in every room? You don’t need a paper for that.” Smudged lipstick and slightly messy bun. Inside she was hiding a young male nurse. Or a female one. Everybody knew that their collective boss swung both ways. Ah, the workplace romance. A new one every week. Tom was impressed with the fact she was never sued for harassment. And surprised that supply of naive youngers eager to jump into bed, or office, with her, didn’t seem to end.

“But MRI would be better.” He said taking in his the most annoyingly eager voice.

“No,” she barked, annoyed. “First USG, if you see anything out of place, you can do MRI, and please take form from the front desk.”

“Okey-dokey boss.” Tom smiled brightly. She sighed. She couldn’t fire him. He was the best surgeon she had in the hospital, and he was an old acquaintance from med school. She liked him, but his I-love-infatuating-people and I-am-the-gossiping-king personas were out of control. And never failed to cause a massive headache.

Gain’s returned to Exam room 3 in a couple of long strides. From behind the door, he heard raised voices. Decency declared war to his curiosity. Curiosity won.

“Why?! He barely visits us anymore! I don’t see any reason to call him!” Tom recognized Male Model’s voice. His inherited noisiness intensified. Just who were they talking about?

“He is your father, Dean.” the older man said sternly. “He deserves to know that something is wrong with Sam. No matter what kind of father he is.”

Tom raised his eyebrows in silent surprise. The scruffy man was acting so much like a protective momma-bear that he was sure that he was boys' father.

“But…” Dean trailed off. That’s when Gains decided to step in. He needed to know first what exactly was wrong with the kid. Family discussions could come later. With that thought, he put his palm on the handle and pushed the door open as if he wasn’t eavesdropping shamelessly a moment earlier.

“Hello again, gentlemen. Somehow I managed to squeeze you in for MRI in half an hour. But,” he turned to the oldest in the room. “You’ll have to fill a form for that. Also, I have to do a USG first. “

He stopped, struck by a sudden idea. “Actually,” he turned towards Samuel. “I’d like to measure you first.” Tom smiled at the visibly nervous teen. He gestured towards a scale combined with the measure. Sam jumped off the table grimacing when his feet hit the floor. The kid was clearly in pain. Fortunately, Tom had an inkling about what was bothering him.

The boy took off his shoes and stepped on the device. Tom noted down the results with a poker-face. Then he unfolded the measure.

“Do you exercise a lot?” The doctor spoke in a casual tone.

“Uh, I play soccer.”

“How often?” Tom took down the results. He compared them to the ones he had in the file.

“Three, sometimes four times a week for an hour and a half. We are going for a state championship this year,” Sam said with enthusiasm. Tom caught a smile on Dean’s face. He hummed.

“Okay, now the USG. Sit down and relax.” Sam returned to the exam table. This time he carefully climbed on it instead of jumping. Tom pulled the machine to himself and turned it on. He took special gel out of one of the drawers and put on a fresh pair of rubber gloves.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

The doctor put it on Sam’s right knee and gently smeared it all over. Teenager's fingers clenched around the edge of his seat. Gel was cool and sticky, it was a weird sensation.

“Okay. So first I’ll check out the whole joint,” Gains said. Telling patients and their companions what he was doing was an old strategy to calm them and make the doctor more trustworthy. One of Gains' professors told him this once in med school, and Tom took the lesson to heart. “Good news, there is nothing wrong with the knee itself. Now I’ll check are above and below it. Often problems there seem like joints problems when in reality they are not.” Tom explained. Whole three of them stared intently at the screen. “Here, a change on the tibia. Can you see it?”

“No. Not really,” the brothers said together. Older man rolled his eyes. Tom had a feeling that it was a regular thing. He laughed silently.

“It _is_ hard to read a USG image.” He took a tissue and wiped the knee clean.  “Now the other one. I have an idea what might be wrong, but I needed to know if it’s present in another leg. Then we’ll confirm the diagnosis with MRI. Is that alright?” He directed the question to the… uncle? Surrogate father? Legal guardian? Whoever the fuck he was anyway.

The man nodded. The other knee received the same treatment as the other one. This time Sam managed not to fidget and try to squirm away. On that one, he could also see dark discoloring.

0o0

The MRI examination itself went way faster the Sam expected it to go. Quick, exact and clean. Still, MRI was even weirder experience then USG. The loud sound the machine kept making caused a minor headache, and as soon as the doctor told him to be still, he felt his foot started itching. The big down part was the fact that he had to change into a hospital gown. Dean kept snickering for the whole walkthrough hospital’s halls. However, Sam had to admit he looked truly ridiculous with his awkward teenage body and bony knees.

After the exam, he had been quickly ushered to the corridor by a young nurse. Then, she sat him down by Bobby and Dean and ran off.  Sam a little baffled with unceremonious treatment, but taking into notice her dark bags under her eyes he wasn’t offended. She probably didn’t even have the energy to be nice. He sighed. That chairs again. Bobby and Dean immediately fluttered around him asking questions and relieving their overprotecting instincts. Sam sadly concluded that he was already used to that.

They didn’t have to wait for his doctor to come back with results, although Sam wasn’t sure how long exactly. His headache evolved into steady throbbing in his temples and behind eyeballs. He was getting seriously fed up with that whole incident.

Doctor welcomed them with a suspiciously bright smile. Sam thought that it was a rather good sign, his condition couldn’t be bad. Eighter that or he was a sadist. Under his right hand, Gains was holding a big folder. He waved at them with his left palm with a clear message to follow him. When the small family unit did, he sped up and started talking without looking back at any of them.

“I asked the technicians to zoom on your legs,” He informed. “Also I am sure about what’s wrong with the bones.” Doctor rapidly turned right and entered first room that was open.  Inside on the walls were some strange shining slabs. With almost excited expression doctor put up photos on top of the plates. Suddenly Sam could full of details image of his legs. It was a weird feeling. Again.

His sight drifted up his tibias to his knees. He gasped. On bones just below pattelars, they all could see darker spots. Sam concentrated on them. His paranoia was rising. On USG he couldn’t even see ‘changes’ doctor had been talking about, but with MRI he could acknowledge them. Somehow they seemed more frightening.

“Before any of you will ask, no, they are not tumors and yes I’m sure.” The doctor said in a cheery voice that hurt Sam’s ears.

“What is that?!” Bobby voiced the whole family’s thoughts. Sam wasn’t brave enough to ask by himself. Dean seemed to be too shocked to say anything. His full lips were slightly parted with astonishment.

“Necrosis,” Doctor said with a cheerful voice as if it wasn’t a big thing. Sam froze. His throat tightened rapidly with panic.

“You need to take away my legs?” He croaked, terrified. Cas told him about necrosis year before on their biology lessons. He knew what it meant for him. That’s when Dean shook off his shock, and his big-brother instincts awoke him. He instantly moved to stand in between his brother and the doctor as if he expected the man to throw himself on Sam to server his legs. He also wrapped his arm protectively around his Sammy.

“WHAT?! NO WAY!” He yelled. “You can do something, right?” Dean’s big green eyes turned to doctor with begging desperate look. Gains shook his head, amused.

“Not exactly, but-“

“You’re not cutting his legs!” Dean’s fear turned into anger. Suddenly his pleading expression turned into threatening one. Male Model turned into a coldblooded killer.

“No, no, no we won’t be taking the legs! I know that necrosis sounds scary, but it’s not that kind of necrosis.” He raised his hands in an attempt to calm young man down. “It’s typical for growing teenagers doing sports that require a specific way of bending the knee. Soccer, cycling, running and jumping of any kind, for example. Combination of rapid growth and intensive training is harmful to young bones.  It’s called Sterile necrosis of tibial tuberosity or Osgood-Schlatter disease.” The doctor said quickly. If Dean weren’t suddenly so scary, he might have laughed at Sam’s reasoning.

_‘Maybe I am a bad person.’_

“There’s nothing to fear, you need to stop playing, wait it out maybe take some medication or use an ointment and you’ll be fine. It’s sterile necrosis which means that it had developed without the input of any pathogen.” He rambled on.

Sam’s panic lessened, but after a moment distress took its place for everyone to see. He was glad that he was going to be fine, but then he registered the second part of doctor’s word-vomit. Dean patted Sammy’s back lightly trying to comfort him. He knew how much Sam loved to play, to move, but his relief overweighted his sympathy. Sam was going to be okay. That was the most important thing.

“No soccer?” Sam whimpered. “But I'm the only goalkeeper, the team needs me, and the championship…” Doctor’s face softened.

“I’m sorry. I’m a surgeon, not an orthopaedist, but I know this for sure. You can try rehabilitation, but you’ll mostly have to wait it out. I’ll introduce you guys to our child orthopaedist. She’ll tell you more.” He smiled at Sam reassuringly and took down the photos.

“Wait a moment.” Sam suddenly said, “You said that it’s typical for kids with intense growth. But I’m not growing at all!”

Gains stared at him for a second. “In your file was written that your height and weight were last updated month and half ago.”

“Yeah, coach measures as all regularly. I’m 5’6 and 155Ibs.” Sam stated.

“Nope.” Doctor smiled at boy’s surprised face. He had been low-key waiting for this to come up. “Since then you have grown about an inch and some and put on five pounds.” He closed Sam’s file loudly. He took great joy in Sam’s and Dean’s gaping expressions. “I’d say that you’re on the beginning of big ass growth spurt and you won’t be slowing down any time soon,” He finished with a wide grin. From an abruptly delighted look at Sam’s face, he could guess that kid had been waiting for such news.

Dean beamed at Sam, glad that there was something to distract him from looming problems with both health and soccer.

“See! I told you that you'll shoot up one day!” He half hugged his brother and ruffled his floppy hair.  
“Just remember,” he said fake-sternly, “Don’t you dare to overgrow me!”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, sorry for late update. Again.  
> This chapter is the longest I have ever written and I hope it's worth of 2 months of waiting.  
> Disclamers:  
> I have no idea how universities and their application procedures work in US.

 

CHAPTER 3

 

 

“… and I can’t play anymore.” Sam finished his monologue with a sad swing of his legs. His bony legs were all showed off. It was a warm afternoon and Sam took great pleasure from ditching his old hand-me-down thick jeans and donning his shorts.

He and Gabriel were sitting together on the same bench that Cas found him of the week before.

It was their bench.

It was theirs since Gabriel was twenty and Sam was twelve. They claimed it when Gabe saw him on it, alone, watching his peers running around when Sam couldn’t. Two weeks before he sprained his ankle and was banned from most of the physical activities. Needless to say, Gabe’s cheerful manner, the lack of usual adulty condescending attitude towards him and the fact that he never once spoke to him as if Sam was stupid caused birth of a very unusual friendship.

Sam liked to think that Gabe valued their relationship as much as he did. That it wasn’t a patronizing mentor-protégé bond. He was the one to comfort (or at least to try) Gabriel when his girlfriends or boyfriends( datemates???) broke up with him. He was also the only person who knew, that as soon as Dean turned eighteen, Gabe had fallen ass over tits for him. It was a weird feeling, the knowledge that his twenty-two years old friend had a crush on his older brother, but he did his best to be supporting. Even though they both knew that Gabe had precisely the same chance with Dean, as Sam had with Cas, which was none.

He wasn’t sure if anyone was aware of their bizarre friendship. He thought for some time that Cas noticed, but he never acknowledged it, so Sam concluded that their age difference made it seem impossible. Apparently, eight years were too much for people to be friends. It’s not like they ever tried to hide the fact they were friends, why would they anyway, it just kind of happened. In the end, they often joked about it.

Besides its weirdness, their friendship fitted into the well-known cliché of true friendship. Whenever Sam had problems with bullies or a teacher and was too ashamed to go to Dean, in all his overprotective glory, he went to Gabe. To Gabe, who simply sat with him, gave him a sucker or a cookie and said ‘that sucks, kiddo’, and proceeded to provide him with tips and ideas on how to come on top while not being a typical popular teen.

Over the years they won many prank wars, whenever against Gabe’s ‘enemies’ or Dean and Cas. They had one in the middle of the Great Fall Out between Gabriel’s and his on-and-off girlfriend, Kali. She still disliked Sam a little for the melted chocolate in her hair.

Gabriel was probably his best friend. Friends from school were nice, and they had similar interests, but Sam was always careful with his trust and never felt comfortable enough to give it to them.

“That sucks, kiddo.” Gabriel patted his tight while pushing strawberry sucker into his hands.  As much as he usually avoided sweets he accepted it without any protest. As soon as he managed to unwrap it, he hesitated.

“I’m gonna get fat,” he whined, “Now that I can’t burn all the sweets you push in me.” Gabe pouted.

“Hey! I don’t exercise as much as you do, are you calling _me_ fat?!” Sam raised his head from its previous sulking position. Weight was always a touchy topic with Gabe.

“No! You’re just, um… softer.” Gabe snickered almost spitting out his (cherry flavored) sucker.

“Softer?! That’s the best you can do? Cooome ooon!” Sam glared at him and promptly kicked Gabe in the shin. Gabe had issues with his short and stocky body in the past. No matter how much he tried, he didn’t seem to be able to lose that couple pounds that gave him soft sides and a little belly.

“I’m trying to be sensitive you ass!”

“Ow! Kiddo, you know the rules, no kicking! I may have to take revenge.” He wiggled his fingers and eyebrows. Sam knew that gesture way to well.

“Don’t you dare,” He threatened, “I won’t go down without a fight.” Gabe laughed and raised his palms in a universal gesture of surrender.

“Alright, alright. I surrender to your fabulous bitchface and hair.”

“That doesn't make any sense.” Sam frowned. They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment. Sam often suspected that Gabe with all his loud trickster persona sometimes longed for peace once in a while. Sam liked to believe that he was the person he could get it with.

“How are you holding up anyway? With your knees and Cas’ leaving?” Gabe spoke up.

“I’ll be fine,” Sam sighed.

His teammates threw a hissy fit when he delivered the news. Before, he never noticed how intimidating they could be. Every single one of them tall and broad, looming over him with angry faces. He never felt so small as at that moment. They dealt with it, they had to, of course, but Sam had a feeling that he got degraded from his buddy status to a typical nerd as if he wasn’t friends with them for years. It hurt, realizing that more than half of his ‘friends’ just dismissed him, as soon as he couldn’t play anymore. As if being a goalkeeper was all he was.

His coach, on the other hand, honest to God, cried. But he better than anyone in school knew that there was no other option. Sam had to quit.

“Sure you will.” Gabe stared at him with his whiskey-colored eyes. Sam yielded.

“Okay, okay. Geeze, you’re totally pulling a Dean on me here.” Sam took a deep breath. “My teamma- uh former teammates official unfriended me, I have bum knees, and I’ll fail biology without Cas next year. The only good thing in this all mess is that I’ll have more time to study.” Gabe hummed.

“I mean, I would have had to study anyway if I want to get to Stanford…”

“Stanford?” Gabe cut in. He knew that Sam planned to go to college, but he expected something closer to Sioux Falls. Not fucking California. From Sam’s guilty face he could read that he was thinking the same thing.

“Uh, yeah. I, I have been thinking about it for some time, but it’s so expensive that I’ll go only if I get a scholarship. I’m planning to apply to many colleges all over the country, here too, but…”

“But Stanford is your main game plan.” Gabe finished. His heart was twisting uncomfortably in his chest.

“Yeah,” Sam said awkwardly. Gabriel was conflicted. He wished only the very best for Sam, but the selfish part of mind was whispering that Pao Alto was so far away and now that Cas was leaving, he would be left alone. Well, not entirely alone. Dean, Kali, Baldur, and others won’t be going anywhere. But staying with his crush, ex-girlfriends and boyfriends, and fuckbuddies didn’t seem to compare.  Getting laid didn’t seem so important faced with the ability to bitch to his friend or cousin. Or to just be with them. It was a terrifyingly lonely and sad perspective. He would miss the kid and worry about him constantly.

Gabe shook his head slightly. He was getting sentimental for his old age.

“I still have a year to go,” Sam spoke. “And I might end up here in town. It very possible that I’ll screw something up.”

“No.” Gabe forced himself to smile. He didn’t need a half-hearted comfort. “You’ll go to Stanford, NYU or some other fancy school and you’ll get your scholarship.” He patted Sam’s lower thigh, mindful of his knees. “You’ll blow everyone’s mind with intellect and beautiful hair.” He said with a deadly serious face. Then he caught the younger one in a headlock and ruffled his hair.

“No! Let me go!” Sam screeched, his voice suddenly regressing to one of seven years old boy, his limb flapping around in an uncoordinated manner.

“No way!” Gabriel laughed. “I have to take advantage while I can! Soon you’ll be too tall for me to do this!”

After some struggling they both declared an impasse and leaned back on the bench, panting slightly. Previous heavy atmosphere disappeared. They grinned at each other.

“So,” Sam began in a light tone. “How’s business going?”

0o0

Soon enough, May’s pleasant warmth evolved into stifling heat of summer and then, to Sam’s relief, back to more bearable cool fall temperature. However, in September, the weather was the only positive change. Sam came back to school, finally as a senior, and Castiel started to pack. Date of his departure was getting closer and closer. For whole summer Cas practically lived at Singer-Winchester household, and with him, of course, Gabe often tagged along. 

In practice, Dean and Castiel were disappearing for whole days coming back late in the evenings, sometimes, but rarely, joining Sam and Gabe at movie marathons or video games nights. Mostly, however, they just kept dropping Sam off at Gabe’s bakery unceremoniously, or leaving them with Bobby at home, and riding off.

Sam felt a little hurt because of that dismissing treatment, but it wasn’t as if he couldn’t understand it. Dean and Cas were best friends and just wanted to spend as much time together as they could before Cas’s leaving. He would probably just had been in the way of their plans. It was a bit depressing realization. He felt a little stupid with it, though. It wasn’t like he was ever part of their small group. He shouldn’t have felt excluded. But his feelings, as always, had other ideas.

But overall, Sam didn’t really mind it a lot. Being excluded and three-wheeling sucked, but he was mostly used to it. And he got to spend time with Gabe and occasionally with Kali, Gabriel’s girlfriend/fuckbuddy/ best friend (besides him, of course). Sam could never wrap his head around their relationship. Gabe himself admitted that he didn’t know what exactly they were. After that talk, Sam decided to just roll with it and don’t ask. That could have proven to be traumatic. Sam preferred not to hear explicit details of Gabe’s relationships.

So most of the summer vacation Sam spent on reading, helping Gabriel out in a bakery in the morning and afternoon’s rushes (for free, that old slavedriver…) and looking through college flyers and internet sites. He was okay with it. Seriously.

Then the day of Cas’s flight to New York came. Sam skipped lessons that day to be able to go with Bobby, Dean, and Gabe to the airport and bid farewell to Castiel. It was Bobby who picked him up from school after the second period as Dean’s beloved Impala was bursting with Cas’s things. Therefore it was too cluttered to fit one more person inside. Airlines had limits when it came down to luggage, and Castiel couldn’t take all the stuff he needed with him, so Dean planned to drive to New York and deliver it to him. Cas was planning on taking only his backpack and medium-sized suitcase. Just enough to survive until Dean arrived.

Therefore, around 10 am, Winchester the youngest found himself at the Sioux Falls Regional Airport, by the Gate number one with his nose by his crush’s ear. Somehow.

In five months that had passed since his diagnosis, he reached the point when he was just an inch or two shorter than Castiel. The only downside of his increased height was the fact that with the additional inches, he became a prime example of a stereotypical lanky, clumsy teenager.

Therefore, when Cas, led by some impulse that left Sam’s mind boggled, surprised him by pulling younger one into heartful embrace, he stumbled like a newborn fawn and smashed his nose against Cas’s cheekbone. Hard.

“Ow.” He moaned, his eyes watering. Cas huffed, a little amused and sniffed a bit. His nose sounded wet and plugged.

_‘Is he…crying?!’_

“I know that it’s a little sudden, we were never very close, but fuck, I’ll miss you, Sammy.”

“It’s Sam.” He croaked back, blushing furiously over Cas’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” The black haired man said, “I’m getting all ‘sappy’, as Dean would say.” He tightened his grip around younger boy.  Now, that their height difference almost disappeared, Sam could put his chin comfortably on his crush’s collarbone. He did so automatically after the unfortunate crash of his nose and older one’s cheek.

Unfortunately, it meant that he could see way too well how much fun Gabe was having. The golden-haired man wasn’t even trying to hide just how much Sam’s situation amused him. He was snickering openly, with Dean joining in when he met Sam’s widened eyes.

Sam gritted his teeth together. So much for a good friend. You’d think that he wouldn't make fun of Sam, as he often found himself in similar situations.

Dean liked to have his arm wrapped around a much shorter person. Since Sam started to grow like a weed, he stopped being adequate. That led to many, many moments when Dean automatically half-hugged Gabriel. Who had been reacting as bad as Sam did at that moment at the airport. Sometimes even worse.

He awkwardly patted Cas’s back.

“Uh, I’ll miss you too,” He shuttered. Castiel suddenly realized that he was embarrassing the teenager. He squeezed body in his arms one last time and let go. When his view was cleared from Sam’s soft brown hair, he turned around and noticed Dean’s and Gabe’s laughter, then connected the dots. He felt a guilty poke in his heart. Sam had every right to feel a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t like he and Sam had a more profound bond between them.

Their relationship was built on weekly biology lessons and shared moments with Dean. They could barely call themselves tentative friends, nowhere near as close to share that kind of embraces. Cas had foolishly assumed that one close moment meant they had gotten closer.

_‘Of course, it didn’t, there is more to friendship than that. Stupid, stupid, stupid.’_

Cas blushed, ashamed. Sam had to feel a bit weird when he grabbed him like that.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

“Nah, it’s alright,” Sam spoke kindly with a shy smile. He clearly didn’t take it personally, though it didn’t lessen Castiel’s guilt. He felt a sudden surge of affection for the boy. He always knew in his mind that Sam was a kind and good person, but somehow, only now he fully realized that. He regretted that he never made an effort to get to know him better. With Sam’s and Gabe’s friendship, the age difference excuse seemed just silly. He had been simply too stupid. For years.

His brooding was cut off by Dean, who decided to copy his actions with Sam and he swept him into a bear hug. He went way overboard, however, because he lifted his shorter and slighter friend from his feet.

“Damnit, dude, you sure did a number on Sammy.” He laughed. “I swear, last time I saw him this red was when I dyed his hair pink.”

“Shut up.” They heard Sam hissing in the background.

“But seriously,” Dean lowered his voice.” Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t let some asshole roommate bother you.”

“You don’t know if he’ll be an asshole, Dean. He could be an actually nice person.” Cas sighed. His friend’s paranoia was getting better of him. Dean gently set him down, and Cas welcomed the ground beneath his feet with relief. He hated it when Dean lifted him or carried him around. “Also, we’ll see each other in two days.”

“We’ll miss you, man,” Dean said in a suspiciously tight voice, completely ignoring Cas’s words. Cas patted his back and freed himself from the cage of Dean’s arms.

“Of course, Dean. I’ll miss you too.” He said, used to Dean’s one-track mind. Dean took a few steps back and put his arm over Sam’s shoulders. It was Gabe’s turn to say his goodbyes. If he could, he would have gone with Dean to New York, but he couldn’t leave his bakery in the hands of the green students or close it. He couldn’t afford it.

“So, squirt, you’ll be back for Thanksgiving, right? Or Christmas?” He asked hesitantly. Cas unceremoniously bent down and embraced his favorite relative. Since Cas was the decent and kind person, he did not lift his short cousin. Gabe hated it even more than he did.

“I’ll try to.” He sighed sadly. “I may have too much work to come back though. Especially when it comes to Thanksgiving.” The Winchesters frowned in tandem. Neighter of them liked that perspective.

Gabe hid his face in Castiel’s neck. His body had its own mind, and he found himself on the verge of tears. He needed to get a grip on himself. He hated being vulnerable, period, not talking about falling apart in public place. With Dean watching. Sam at least saw it a couple of times. As embarrassing as it was, he could take Sam’s sympathy, because Sam never pitied, he was nice like that. But Dean’s pity would suck balls.

“Take care then, kiddo.” Gabe blinked away the tears and tore himself from Cas. He was an ugly crier, red nose, puffy eyes, snot running from his nose. Whole package. He was going to save that circus for a more private moment.

“Sam,” Castiel spoke, “Take care of him for me, would you?” Sam barely managed to open his mouth before Cas added. “Actually, take care of both of that idiots, please. They are going to need it.” Cas winked. “Of course, take care of yourself too, though I doubt if you need me to tell it to you. You were always the smart one.” Sam beamed at him and ignoring outraged squawks of the ‘idiots’, replied.

“Of course, you can count on me.” Indignant looks turned towards the teenager. Before it could evolve into a bigger fight, Bobby, who had been standing behind them all, cut in. His boys were almost all adults but could act as pouty five-year-olds.

“Alright, alright, cut it out.” He said gruffly. “Don’t make a scene. We are in public.” Gabe pouted but settled down. No one wanted to piss Bobby off.

They all hugged Cas for the last time. Cas prolonged it as much as he could, but the lady-voice coming from the speakers urged everybody on embarking the plane flying to New York. He had to physically force himself away from the formation that an outsider would call a group-hug. Which it wasn’t. Not at all.

 

Dean rode off at dawn the next day. The total distance from Sioux Falls to New York was around twenty-five hours. Therefore Dean decided to split it for two days of the ride. There he was going to drop Cas’s things at his dorm and would get to spend a whole day with Cas before coming back to South Dakota. Sam was insanely jealous of that.

He and Gabriel sulked around for the next two weeks. Within a month Sam’s grades at biology significantly dropped although not enough for him to be failing it. Still, Sam missed Cas like crazy. Even though they weren’t really that close, he noticed a big hole in his everyday life. He caught himself looking forward to their weekly biology lessons when there wasn’t any. The same with regular movie nights and dinners. Cas used to stay over at least once a week since he and Dean were fifteen, was present at the dinners barely a month into their friendship. Sam supposed that it was natural to feel the void, even when not taking his feelings towards Castiel into consideration.

As months were passing, the matter for his higher education was becoming more and more pressing. It was the begging of November and application deadline at Stanford was at the beginning of January. He was taking his SAT exam in December, the results were coming back two weeks later. At least that’s what the website was saying. His essay was almost finished. All he was doing these days was studying. Dean and Bobby often had to drag him out of his room for meals.

Unfortunately, his family wasn’t aware that he was planning on going to Stanford. Bobby was uncomfortable whenever he so much as touched the subject. Dean downright ignored it, Winchester style. Despite the fact that he was seventeen he would always be the baby of the family. Still, Sam wondered how long he'd keep himself in denial.

 _‘Probably until the day I leave.’_ Sam often thought ironically. Not that Sam would actually give him a chance to do so. That track of mind (and action) led to the rapid release.

“Stanford?! Fucking Stanford?!” Dean erupted when Sam sat him down and told about his plans.

“Yes. I’ll have to, of course, get a scholarship, a big one if we are at that, but yes, it’s my top pick.” Sam said calmly. He wasn’t going to let himself lose his cool or for Dean to provoke him. Unfortunately, all his attitude managed to do was to set Dean off even more.

 “But why?! Why not New York? You’d be with Cas!” Sam gritted his teeth. “And Pao Alto is even farther away than New York!” That did it. There weren’t many things that pissed Sam off more than unconstructive arguments.

“By barely an hour of ride, Dean! Beside Stanford has an excellent law program! And wide scholarship offers!”

“But why not Cas’s college? Or any other at the coast?” Anger seemed to be leaving Dean’s posture and voice. Sam took a deep breath.

“Humanities are top notch there. Humanities, Dean, it means Pre-Law. And their Law school… just research a bit. I read the opinions, Dean, it sounds like a place for me. Also, it's not like I won’t apply to other schools. Nothing is set in stone, I…” he hesitated. “I just wanted you to know.” He kept playing with his hands.

 _‘And support me… maybe.’_ Sam finished in his head. At that moment he was as needy as his eight years old self, who desperately wanted his brother’s approval.

Dean deflated in his seat. They were sitting by the kitchen table, eating pancakes for breakfast. They were alone since Bobby decided to take his old bones onto supply run. Blonde sighed, he heard the unsaid part loud and clear.

“Sorry, about that. I just… I wish you wouldn’t leave.” Dean seemed to have found something very interesting on his empty plate. Sam waited with his revelation up until his big brother had eaten, simply because he didn’t want Dean to choke or something. “With you and Cas both gone… It’s just hard for me to even imagine that.” He said quietly.

“I know.” He went silent for a moment. “Well, Gabriel is not going anywhere.” Sam teased. Dean made a face.  The teenager went back to serious. “I really want this, Dean. I have almost everything figured out. I need to take my exams and actually a send application. And I-“ he let out a huge exhale, “wouldliketohaveyoursupport.” There, he said that.

Dean pushed the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. He was helpless while confronted with Sammy’s puppy eyes combined with a shy-eager face.

“Alright, alright. Bitch.”

“Jerk.” Sam beamed at his brother with force of the sun and dug into his own pancakes. His plate was almost full.

Dean chuckled under his nose. Lately, Sam had been eating for four people at last. He understood that kid’s body needed all that food that his baby brother was devouring, but it was still weird to see. Sam never was a type to eat a lot, when he was studying he had to be reminded to have a meal. Now, though, he was shoveling bigger portions than Dean. Shorty couldn’t be called shorty anymore. Dean couldn’t tell for sure, but he was sure that Sam managed to overgrown Cas. Cas, who was 5’10 and half. Dean was starting to feel threatened.

_‘Younger brother taller than the older one. So unnatural!’_

While swallowing last few bites, Sam heard the noise of the engine, a car was pulling into their driveway. Bobby was back.

“So?” Dean asked. Sam raised his eyes from the plate.

“So what?” Dean fidgeted, uncomfortable.

“Are you going to talk with Bobby?” Sam’s eyes widened.

“I- I don’t know. I’ m planning to, but…” He hung his voice not finishing the sentence. Dean got the message through. It was one thing to plan it and another to actually talk about it with someone. It was way scarier.  He leaned forward and lowered his voice.

“You know he won’t be angry with you, right? He won’t like the perspective of you leaving, I don’t like it either, but he’ll support you, he always does.” Sam flushed, he wasn’t stupid, he knew all of that. Still, he was afraid of… he didn’t even know what he was scared of.  “And,” Dean said seriously, “I’ll always have your back.” He declared. Then sighed mentally.

_‘I just can feel my ovaries growing.’_

“Yeah, I know,” Sam whispered, bracing himself. He could hear the front door making a high squeaking noise. He winced, the hinges really needed to be oiled. Bobby was back.

 

Bobby noticed the heavy atmosphere as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. Sam was a little pale and Dean’s hands wouldn’t stay still. His boys welcomed him briefly, and Sam threw himself to wash the dishes. Yup. Something was definitely off. Sam hated doing it. Dean cleared his throat.

“Bobby, Sam would like to talk with you.” Sam froze by the sink. His shoulders were hunched, his head bowed. Bobby felt a stab of worry.

“Uh, Iwannagotostanford.” He blurted, watching out for Bobby’s reaction from behind his brown locks. Older man blinked.

“I know?” He said hesitantly. But it was apparently a bad thing to say. His youngest’s eyes boggled, and his jaw fell all way to his knees. Dean just stared at him with shock painted all over his mug.

“Uh, what?” Sam asked in a small voice. “Are-are you sure?” Bobby rolled his eyes. His boys, only his boys.

“Yes Sam, I’m sure that I know about your college California Dream.”

“How?!” Sam finally erupted after a minute of opening and closing his mouth silently, like a fish. Bobby’s fondness mixed with exasperation. The boy was clearly stressed about it, but it was getting ridiculous.

“Of all the college flyers that you have, Stanford one is the only one not creased and it’s pinned to the pinboard. And you often leave your computer on with Stanford site open.” Sam stared at him in complete abashment. “And you printed some Stanford related documents with me in the room just yesterday. Do I have to carry on?” All tension fled from Sam’s body.

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Bobby said gruffly. He firmly set his grocery bags on the floor. While that strange conversation was going, he forgot that he was even holding it. He stretched his arms and torso and listened to his spine popping with satisfaction.

“So, which one of you ijits will help me with roof repair?”

0o0

The day before the exam Sam was dying. Well, not literally but with all that anxiety and hyperventilating, he might have been getting somewhere.

Dean could do nothing but watch from the sidelines as his little brother worked himself up into a frenzy. It was frustrating. Even his presence couldn’t calm the kid down. It was Sunday, and Sam didn’t eat his breakfast until Dean shoved it down his throat, and then proceded to mildly freak out for the better part of the day.

When around five pm Sam curled up on the couch (barely fitting on it with his long legs) with wide eyes, wrapped in his favorite blanket furiously flipping through his notes, Dean sighed. It was a pathetic sight.

Sammy’s hair was in complete disarray, he had deep bags underneath his eyes, his lips were swollen red from nervous biting. His hunched posture was a final touch. Dean’s heart twisted painfully. If Sam was in such state day before the exam, how is he going to look while actually taking it? It wasn’t a nice perspective.

Sam had a big brain, way bigger than Dean’s but faced with the stress he could still screw up. Dean didn’t consider himself stupid, not at all, but his Sam had more appreciated intelligence type. Book smarts versus technical intelligence. Not that Sam couldn’t fix simple damage in something and Dean couldn’t like reading, but Sam wasn’t able to take apart and put together an engine with closed eyes like Dean could before he even started his training as a mechanic. And Dean couldn’t sit still in class and learn. They were just different. Bobby explained it to them as soon as Dean started to get self-conscious about his trouble in school.

Dean’s stress also showed differently, meaning, he had an affinity for denial and anger. Cas usually helped him to get a grip on himself. He stopped by that thought.

‘Cas! Of course.’ He quickly fished out his phone from his pocket. Unlocking it, he shot a glance at his brother. Still miserable.

05:21  
U have a moment? Sammy crisis here

05:22  
**Of course. What’s going on?**

05:23  
He’s freaking out about SATs. It’s not pretty

05:25  
**Do you want me to call him?**

05:26  
How about Skype?

05:26  
**Okay. Let me turn my computer on**

Dean let out a relieved exhale. Sam always listened to Cas, to him as an older brother it was almost insulting.

“Hey, Sammy!” The sad person on the couch raised their head. “Cas’s gonna call in a second. You want to join us?” Sam blinked with surprise. It was unusual for Dean to invite him to his and Cas’s talks.

“You sure?” Dean raised his eyebrow sardonically.

“Yes Sammy, I’m sure.”

“Oh.” Sam untangled himself from his blanket-made trap. He still stumbled over the corner of the fabric that ended up on the floor. He wasn’t going to decline an opportunity to talk with Castiel. Or just, you know, stare at him. It wasn’t like Dean, or his crush would notice it. After five minutes he was going to be pushed out of their conversation anyway.

Dean couldn’t stop little snicker over Sam’s clumsiness. He went silent though when younger one grimaced and reached to his knees with one hand.

“Ow.” He muttered quietly. Dean’s hands fidgeted. Great, now he was feeling guilty.

“Come on, you need a break anyway.” Sam nodded absentmindedly, suddenly he was feeling exhausted.

 _‘Coffee, I need coffee.’_ He decided. But first, his dose of Castiel Shurley. Faced with that, coffee could wait. He silently followed Dean to his room. He was used to aching that accompanied every trip up or down the stairs now.

Dean’s room was messy as always. After careful visual inspection, he flopped onto his brother’s bed. Who knew what Dean had been doing at it? He watched silently as Dean set his laptop up. When Dean was busy wriggling himself into a comfortable position Sam discreetly put his hair behind his ear. Dean, of course, didn’t notice.

When Cas appeared on the screen, he let out a tiny whimper. Castiel looked amazing even through grainy video. He was out of the practice of managing his crush, and not used to seeing Cas anymore. Black hair was a complete mess, he had bags under his eye’s (not as dark as Sam’s though) and clearly didn’t shave that day. Combination of bright blue eyes and stubble chased any thoughts about exams out of Sam’s head.

_‘It has to be illegal to be so, so…’_

“Dean, Sam. It’s nice to see you.” Cas said smiling tiredly. Sam blushed.

_‘Stupid! Why are you blushing? He just smiled for fuck’s sake! You’ve seen that smile thousands of times!’_

Dean, happily oblivious to his younger brother’s struggle, beamed at his friend.

“Hiya, Cas.” That woke Sam out.

“Hey,” he said softly.

 _‘Sam does look terrible.’_ That thought went through Castiel’s head as soon as he saw the teenager. More, the kid looked miserable. His heart twisted in worry and he was sure that it was visible on his face.

“Sam, is something wrong?” Cas asked with hesitance. It was an act from his side. He was a lousy actor, but he was sure that Sam wouldn’t like the knowledge that he and Dean gossiped about him regularly. From Dean’s face, he could read that it was the right decision.

Sam curled onto himself. He had to look really bad for Cas to notice.

“Nothing big,” He said meekly. “I’m just a little stressed about my SATs. I’m fine.” Dean rolled his eyes in disbelief. God, that kid. For fuck’s sake!

_‘And people say that I’m the one to repress everything.’_

‘A little’ Dean said soundlessly, with an expression that said what exactly he thought of this. Cas clearly felt the same, he raised his dark eyebrow.

“Just a little?” Sam looked down at his fidgeting hands. He didn’t even realize that they were moving.

“Okay, maybe a little more than a little.” Cas continued to stare at him unimpressed through the bad quality connection. He started to sweat under such scrutiny. “Fine,” he huffed .“A lot. You happy?”

“Why would I?” Cas asked with a frown. “Why are you so wound up about it? You’ll do great.” He tried to reassure the younger one. Sam laughed hysterically.

_‘That’s enough.’_

“Sam,” Cas snapped, growling in his stupidly deep voice. If Sam weren’t so out of it, his dick surely would have twitched in interest.

As different as his Winchesters were, Cas decided to take a ‘Dean’ approach. Meaning, big fat harsh facts.

“Did you study?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have your essay done?”

“Yes, but-“

“Do you remember what I told you the other day?” Sam made himself smaller.

“Yes, but I-“

“Sam,” Cas interrupted him again, “People believe that earth is flat, that vaccines cause autism and that GMO food modifies people’s DNA. You can and will believe in yourself for one day!”

Sam’s eyes widened in surprise. He heard  Cas talking like that only once, through the wall but targeted at Dean when he broke it off with Lisa Breaden. Stupid decision by the way. After so-called Destiel break up, Lisa was the first person for Dean to make a relationship with. Sam still didn’t know why Dean broke it off, but at least it seemed like a mutual break up. Lisa and Dean stayed friends, even though it was an awkward month. Dean ended up as a godfather of little Ben Breaden.

It was the first time it was directed at Sam. It was mildly terrifying. Cas’s hypnotizing blue eyes had him pinned down. In other circumstances, Sam might have found it arousing.

Dean, oblivious to his brother’s turmoil, chuckled. Cas had that face when he was trying very hard to be scary. That innocent baby couldn’t be a scary motherfucker until he really meant it and it wasn’t the case. Sam didn’t piss him off enough. But little Sammy was utterly fooled.

“Okay,” Sam finally spoke softly after losing staring contest. A staring contest, through a fucking Skype.

Cas huffed in satisfaction, Dean could see how ridiculously proud he was of himself and Sam both.

0o0

In the end, Sam sailed through his exams although it wasn’t a smooth ride. When Dean picked Sam up after everything, he almost cried, Sam was sure that he fucked everything up. Then he promptly fell asleep as soon as they got home.

For the next two weeks, Dean needed to deal with sulky depressed little brother. Even after a desperate attempt to combine his forces with Gabriel they barely managed to get him to forget about SATs and smile.

After a week, Sammy’s video games buddy, Andy, came to Sweet Heaven (Gabriel’s bakery) to ask if Gabe knew what was wrong. Having to choose between Gabe, Dean and Bobby he judged that Gabe was the least scary. Gabe was greatly amused by that predicament.

Sarah Blake didn’t have such problems, she fearlessly confronted Dean while he was waiting for Sam in front of the high school one afternoon and demanded answers. Dean was mildly amused. At the same time, he caught himself thinking that Sam should have asked Sarah out instead of Madison. She was a ballsy pretty girl, Dean might have even liked her in such case.

“Fix it.” She hissed. The fact that she needed to look up to him, and while the height difference was huge, it was completely irrelevant to her.

“Only nice SATs scores will fix it, sister.” He responded truthfully. A look of understanding flashed through her face.

“Oh,” she flushed. “Okay then, uh, bye.” She turned away on her heel and headed towards black, expensive looking car. Sam mentioned one time that her parents were loaded.

Winchester-Singer household, Gabe, Cas, and all Sam’s friends just wanted for the results just to come already. After all, Sulky Sam often equaled Cranky Sam. And nobody could handle Cranky Sam for a long period of time. Thankfully the letter, or rather, The Letter came on the exact day it was supposed to arrive.

Exactly two weeks after taking the exams, Sam ran out of the house, not caring enough to put on jacked or to mind his knees when he saw post coming. He almost tore The Letter out of poor postman’s hands and came back inside just as quickly when his thin sweatshirt failed to protect him from December's cold. He entered the living room where his older housemates were waiting for him, biting his lower lip. Dean jumped him immediately

“And?” He asked, then noticed the unopened envelope in Sam’s hands. “Come on, open it!” He urged. Bobby released an agreeing hum. Sam shuffled towards the couch, then he sat down, silent.

“Well, what are you waiting for, son? Go on.” Bobby said gruffly.                                

With one, almost angry, move Sam tore envelope open and took out the paper inside. At that point, Dean didn’t quite contain himself and after barely second lunged for a card which Sam let go without protest, and unfolded it hastily.

“Hey!” Bobby reprimanded him with a head slap, but Dean didn’t care.

“Sammy, Sammy, look!” Sam opened his eyes, he didn’t even realize when he closed them before.

“How is it?” He asked shakily, still avoiding the paper with his eyes.

“Look.” Dean gave him the envelope’s contents back. Sam took it hesitantly with trembling hands. He had a conflict in his head. He knew for a fact that he fucked whole math part up, but Dean seemed to be exited so it couldn’t be that bad. Could it?

“Oh.” He inhaled sharply.

“What?” Bobby was growing impatient. “One of you need to tell me what’s going on or I swear I-“ Sam shoved that magical paper right into Bobby’s face. Bobby gasped lightly.

“Oh.”

0o0

“So, how did it go?” Cas asked impatiently. Dean’s beaming face managed to clue him onto coming answer. The proud grin was so bright that Cas could swear it was lightening up the semi-dark room through the webcam

In hushed whisper-scream, he got his answer. Boy, did he get it. Cas’s jaw dropped with a loud gasp.

“Oh.”

0o0

Sam’s numb miserableness morphed into furious excitement pretty fast. The first thing he did the next day after school was practically run home to (finally) send out his applications.

Bobby raised his eyebrow at the teenager when he bolted into the house not stopping even to say one sorry ‘hi’ or ‘hello, Bobby’. The gangly boy ran up the stairs shamelessly using his increased height to his advance, now that his legs were long enough to take two or three steps in one stride. Some would think that he was acting like a kid that got a new expensive toy. For Bobby, it was endearing as much as it was annoying. He was the oldest and the shortest person in their household now.

After a moment he heard a shadow of chatter from above his head. Gabe called.

_‘I suppose it’s nice to be able to make personal calls when at work.’_

 

Sam fell into his chair, stationed by his desk, and turned himself face to face with his laptop.

 _‘Let’s light this candle!’_ A voice very similar to Gabe’s told him in man’s typical exited half-yell. He chuckled under his nose. He wanted to get it done and not think about colleges or applications or structure of every fucking sentence in his essay until April.

But of course, as soon as he turned his computer on his phone let out a loud screeching song from candy commercial.

_‘Gabriel. Fuck.’_

“You sure have nice timing, Gabe,” He murmured slightly exasperated under his breath before answering the phone.  “What?” He barked into the speaker.

“Hey, hey, hey! What got your panties in a twist, kiddo?” Gabe sounded mildly offended and… hurt?

 _‘Fuck. Way to go, Sam.’_ Sam sighed, feeling guilty. The day before he was so emotional that he forgot to call his friend. He didn’t know why, but he was sure that Dean or Bobby or even Cas (Sam was under no illusion that Dean hasn’t regularly gossiped about him with Cas) had informed his oldest friend.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just… stressed. I was just about to send my applications out.” He leaned back in his chair.

“Oh, so, what’s your score?” Sam told him with a little smirk.

“Oh, fuck, kiddo, seriously?!”

“Yup.” Sam beamed. Ha, take that Sarah!

“Jeez, I always knew you were a nerd but that, wow, it’s a new high, kid.”

“Hey!” Sam laughed. “I’m an awesome nerd, and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Sammich.” Gabe hummed. “Where are you applying again?” Sam listed places where he planned to send his applications. Gabe whistled.

“You don’t fuck around do you, Sam?” The teenager chuckled nervously. He tugged at a strand of his hair.

“Do you think I’m overdoing it? Or overreacting? Many people apply to colleges every year, and I’m the only one making drama.” He said, flooded with shame.

“What? No, well, maybe a little, but that’s because you’re sensitive and it’s your first major stress. There is nothing wrong with that, Cas maybe seemed to be cool as a cucumber, but when he was still thinking that aunt and uncle were going to pay for Berkley or something, he was stressed too. You’ll get better at managing pressure with practice.” Sam didn’t answer for a moment mulling it over. “Besides, chicks dig sensitive giants,” Gabe said cheekily.

“You think I won't be accepted to any of those scho-“

“Good God, Sam. They are all excellent colleges, but I don’t doubt that you’ll go to Stanford.” Gabe was rambling at that point. “You’ll go to Cali and graduate and find a girl or boy, cause you need to stop pining after Cas one day Sammich, get married, become a hotshot lawyer and have a dog and-”

Sam clacked loudly and almost fell off his chair. On the other side, Gabe blushed furiously.

“Wow, Gabe, I didn’t know you care, but you got a little carried away.” Sam teased.

“Uh, yeah, maybe, sorry.” Gabe pouted, even if Sam couldn’t see him, he could hear it in his voice. “Darling, you know I wish only the best for you!”

“Yeah, yeah, sure you do.” Winchester stopped laughing, but smile stayed on his face. “Also I’m not pining after Castiel.”

“Oh kiddo,” Gabriel’s voice went soft. “You are.”

“I’m not.”

“You are!”

“No, I’m not!” Sam’s tone had a threatening note in it. He lost his smile from mere second before,

“You are, Sam. Face it, it’s been years, and it’s not a crush anymore.” The younger one fell silent. He never liked to think about it. When he was a kid, it was because Cas never paid him any attention, later he realized that Cas was meant for Dean, not him. Then they broke up, but Sam was old enough to know that it didn’t really matter. Cas wasn’t going to be interested in little Sammy like that. Never.

Dean wasn’t the only Winchester with tendencies to denial. Mainly because having a crush on Castiel Shurley was unbearable on its own. Being actually in love would have been even more painful.

“You there, kid?” Gabe called out hesitantly.

“Yes, sorry, got lost in thought.” Milton sighed.

“I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s supposed to be a happy day.”

“Nonsense, you may be right,” Sam said quietly. It felt weird to admit it out loud.

“Then why didn’t you plan to apply to Cas’s place?” Gabriel asked gently. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Exactly for that reason. I need to move on, for one thing. For a second, my crush, feelings, or whatever, are not going to dictate my whole life and career. It wouldn’t be healthy.”

“Oh, that… actually makes sense,” Gabe admitted awkwardly. “You know what?” He added.

“What?”

“I think I know why we always worked well together even when you were a snot-nosed brat.” Sam raised his eyebrows and hummed encouragingly. “You were always too mature for your age.”

0o0

In the end, every single one of younger Winchester’s applications was successful. Sam could barely believe it when his sight caught words ‘you have been accepted.’ He couldn’t believe in reality at all when he read the part where it was written ‘full ride’ in Stanford reply letter.

The only damper on his mood was the fact that his whole family (Gabe included, you assholes) had mixed feelings about it. Still, he appreciated their efforts to be happy for him.

Sam realized what _going to Stanford_ meant only night before leaving.

0o0

Dean was terrified and proud. He had been secretly holding onto hope that Sam would change his mind and pick a place closer to Sioux Falls, closer to home and his poor older brother. He was eighteen, a teenager, weren’t they supposed to be indecisive?

“I told you it would happen.” Cas scolded him gently through the screen of his computer. “There was no way that they would have rejected him.” In Cas’s voice, Dean could also hear pride. He knew that, but still. “Get yourself together and support him. Soon he’ll be alone in the new city. I was twenty-one, he is eighteen. It’ll be much harder for him.”

0o0

When the day of the planned ride came, Sam found himself clinging to Bobby like a child and with Gabe plastered against his side, almost climbing him. In that last months, he reached a height of 6’2, and his growth was finally slowing down. That left Gabe who, in all his 5’7 glory, was barely reaching his shoulder.

He was embarrassed to find his eyes glazing over with tears and to feel snot forming in his nose. Sam was just barely trembling and buried his face in Bobby’s neck. Older man for once tolerated emotional moment and kept patting Sam’s back.

“There, there, son. We’ll see each other at Thanksgiving.” Sam just nodded, never releasing his hold on his surrogate father.

 _‘Why the fuck did I think that California would be a good idea?’_ He asked himself hysterically _. ‘Well, fuck you, past me, it's not!’_

“Don’t,” Gabe mumbled under his arm. “You’re not even out of the town, and you’re already regretting going. Don’t, you’ll be fine Sammy.” For once Sam didn’t protest against the nickname. Also, Gabe’s tone left nothing to the imagination. He was being ordered. Sam sniffled.

“Okay,” he said meekly.

“Gabe’s right.” Gabriel shot Bobby a surprised glance. He was always under impression that Bobby didn’t really like him and disapproved of his and Sam’s friendship. Then again, a twenty years old manchild befriending twelve years old kid might have been a little strange. For overprotective mommy-bear like Bobby, it may have made his mom senses tingle. “Come on, Dean is waiting. Besides, as soon as your classes start, you’ll be too busy to miss us.”

Somehow, Sam found it quite impossible to imagine. He pulled away from Bobby and concentrated all his attention on his friend. He wrapped his arms around Gabe, one over his shoulders, one around his waist. And picked him up.

“Oh come on, Sasquatch, I’ll miss you too, but let me down!” Giving shorter man last squeeze he gently put him down.

“Sorry,” Gabe grumbled something under his breath, but Sam didn’t manage to catch it.

When he turned to Bobby with a firm decision that it was a final embrace, the older man said gruffly.

“Don’t you dare lift me too, boy!” Sam laughed weakly.

“I wouldn’t dare.” He replied, plastering himself against his adopted father. It was more comfortable to hug Bobby than Gabriel, mainly because of the height. Bobby was taller, and Sam didn’t have to bend so low or pick him up. Pulling away was one of the hardest things ever, but it was time to ride out, and Bobby’s limit of tolerance for chick-flick moments was reaching the red area.

Still, while buckling the safety belt he felt like crying.

“You okay, Sammy?” Dean asked, turning on Impala’s engine. For most of the earlier scene, he hung back and let his little brother say his farewells. He briefly said goodbye when Sam was preparing sandwiches for them.

“Yeah.” Dean shot him a disbelieving look. _‘Bullshit, little brother, bullshit.’_

He let it go through. It was five in the morning, he was freezing, and it was way too early for that shit.

 

In the end, they decided to split the ride on three days. Firstly, Dean wasn’t ready to leave his brother alone in Pao Alto and wanted to drag it out as long as he could. Sam had the same feelings on this and insisted on arriving at the campus in the afternoon rather than the middle of the night.

“My roommate might already be there, I wouldn’t like to barge in at three am, and what ‘hi, I’m Sam, your roommate, I’m gonna drag all my stuff around and be loud, but hey, let’s be friends’? Yeah, I can imagine that would go.”

Dean couldn’t deny the sense of that statement. He would be pissed if some guy stormed in the middle of the night to his place.

Most of the first-day fo ride Sam spend sulking and sleeping. Dean as a driver could only sulk and glare at his sleeping brother. He wanted to sleep too, damn it. In the afternoon Dean was seriously considering asking Sam to drive which was really unthinkable. Dean and only Dean had the right to drive Impala.

As rare it was for Jonh to drop by to visit them, he didn’t abandon them altogether. He went from being a neglectful father to the third uncle twice removed who they see a couple of times a year. As it turned out, for the last three years of their life with him, he had a normal family on the side. A woman, Kate and another son, Adam in Minnesota.

But on Dean’s sixteenth birthday, Jonh appeared in Sioux Falls and gave him Impala.

Which didn’t mean that Dean forgave his father anything. At first, they hated the whole three, John, Kate, and Adam. But then on one occasion, Kate decided to follow her boyfriend and see where he disappeared to for days. It turned out that she had no idea that John was ever married and had children other than Adam.

The scene she made was one to remember. Kate was never a meek woman. She was a hardass nurse that all doctors feared and respected, Goddamnit. She demanded answers right at that moment, then had a long talk with Bobby while John had to explain to Sam and Dean that while they knew about Milligans, they didn’t know about them.

After that, Katherine punched Jonh straight into the nose, apologized heartfully to overwhelmed Winchester boys and announced that Jonh wouldn’t be welcome in her home until she says so, and left. 

But he wasn’t treasuring his car because it was John’s, not exactly. It was a car that he was raised in, a car in which he raised Sam. For years Impala meant home. She still was home, no matter that Bobby’s house was too.

Anyway, when Dean was opening his mouth, Sam farted loudly in his sleep and no, no way you ungrateful bitch.

_‘Next stop, I’m buying coffee.’_

When they stopped for the night at The Boogie Inn, Dean fell onto his face on his bed and dozed off immediately, still clothed. Sam stared at him for a moment, shook his head and went to take a shower. When he came back, already in his PJs, he was surprised to realize that after napping for most of the day he was sleepy. He glanced at the free bed with longing.

But Dean was laying with his clothes on and feet dangling from the edge. He was going to be cranky the next day if Sam let him sleep clothed and unwashed. As much as Dean was in denial about it, he had very sensitive skin. With being as sweaty as he was one night was enough for it to itch and to form small red spots. Anyway, no matter how messy person he was, he preferred to keep himself clean, reasonable causes a side.

Therefore, bracing himself with a sigh, Sam shook his brother gently by his shoulders. As expected, Dean wasn’t happy about the sudden end to his nap. Nevertheless, he stomped off to the bathroom.

_‘Mission accomplished.’_

 

Next day, Sam was a bit more active. As Cas predicted two days earlier, when Dean made their daily call, crisis oh-shit-I’m-leaving-home-why was replaced by excitement to reach their destination. Like the day before, they hit the road early, and Sam let himself sleep it off, leaving Dean awake and grumpy with no company to talk with.

When Dean woke up he immediately noticed his brother’s mood. But no amount of acting cute and apologizing managed to cheer him up.

“Did you know that Stanford’s motto is in German?” Sam asked with enthusiasm filled voice.

“No,” Dean growled. “Why would I?”

On the next stop, Sam made a run for pie.

0o0

On the third and last day of their travel, they had the shortest distance to make. Therefore, they got up late in the morning. Sam was mostly calm, but Dean could see a bundle of emotion clouding his little brother’s hazel eyes.

They reached Pao Alto around four pm. Sam wanted to go straight to the dorms, but Dean was hungry and didn't want to hear about anything but food.

“Alright, alright.” Sam raised his hands in surrender. Life lesson number three: don’t go between Dean and his food. “Let’s go for a burger or something.”

As soon as Dean took the first bite of a cheeseburger at a place near the campus (Sam insisted), he made a truly obscene moan the made the waiter blush. Sam send the guy apologetic look.

“Damn, Sammy. For this, I might visit you more often than I planned.” He joked. Sam gave him an unimpressed glare.

“It warms my soul, Dean. Really.” He deadpanned. Dean snorted loudly.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

0o0

“You gonna go in or not? These bags are heavy, y’know.” Sam scowled at his brother. Dean was showing no understanding of his worries.

What if his roommate was already there? Sitting just a few feet from him? Was he going to be nice? And what if he was an asshole? A stereotypical rich kid who thought himself better than everyone who was not rich?

“I am.” Sam retorted in a prissy voice. Dean continued to stare at him unimpressed.

_‘No empathy, no empathy at all. Dick.’_

Sam grumbled something under his nose and hesitantly put his palm on the knob. He met no resistance. So his roommate was inside. Sam gulped nervously. He knew that his shyness was going to bite him in the ass someday.

The room was, well, a standard dorm room. Pale yellow walls, door to the bathroom in the corner, a desk, two nightstands, and two beds. Extra-long beds, at least his feet were not going to dangle off his bed for four years. One was already occupied.

On the bed, back to the wall, was sitting a man with light-brown hair. He seemed to be quite tall but probably not as tall as Sam, although it was hard to say when he was sitting. He had a book open on his lap and headphones on.

When his brow eye’s registered a movement, he raised his head. Other teenager fumbled a little with his book and slid his headphones down onto his nape and stood up as fast as he could with a small smile at his face.

“Hi, I’m Tyson Brady.”

 


End file.
